Quotes and Links

For Aikido:

'From chaos, we deal with each individual shape then return to chaos.' --Seichiro Endo Sensei

"A mind to serve for the peace of all human beings in the world is needed in Aikido, and not the mind of one who wishes to be strong or who practices only to fell an opponent."



For Zen:

'The goal (or even "a goal") of zazen is not to clear your mind of thoughts. There is no goal of zazen.

This is the hardest part of zazen practice; that there is no goal or point to it. You just sit and experience what you experience while sitting. That's it. '  --From Hardcore Zen by Brad Warner


Links to Video's -


Aikido Explained - http://youtu.be/R_nSKo34S5Y

'What Aikido should be': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylrcUJc7MIA
 'Aikido vs. Tae Kwon Do': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NinO0vGum38&feature=related

Day 10: Rise up this morning smilin' with the rising sun...

Three Little birds was by my doorstep,
Singing sweet songs, 
Of Melodies Pure and True.
Singing: Don't Worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing is gonna be alright.

Bob Marley sure did understand the world in simple yet elegant ways...

So I finally did it.  I woke my slappy ass up in time to get to the morning class at Shinjinkai.  I have to say, I am REALLY glad I did.  It was a concerted effort and was an act of sheer will over my body.  I think I am going to try and make a habit of this when I can.  The morning classes are a slightly different atmosphere, but let us go back to the day's beginning...which actually was last night's end in some ways.  


Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with an acquaintance of mine.  She told me how she had heard on NPR a report about lack of sleep and its effects on the body...particularly for men.  Apparently multiple days in a row of little sleep drops testosterone levels in the body significantly and can have a multitude of ill effects on the body.  Interesting, well I feel great and I am pretty sure my testosterone levels are quite healthy, but nevertheless I took this warning to heart and decided maybe I should try to add a couple hours of sleep to my routine considering I wanted to try and get to the dojo in the morning. I packed my gym bag before I slept and headed off to bed. I am REALLY glad I did.  I actually woke just before my alarm (as usual) laid in bed for a few and then took a nice long hot shower to wake me up slowly. 


Recently, I was able to procure a vehicle so I think that made it a little easier to get moving too.  I will admit I had a moment of weakness and I dropped by Dunkin' Doughnuts on the way in.  Now I was SEMI-sensible and had a blueberry bagel with light cream cheese and a medium coffee.  I figured eating a Boston cream just before class was probably not in my best interest, as much as I REALLY wanted that custardy chocolatey goodness. Slowly but surely I am breaking my doughnut habit, (Thank You Liga for chiding me a couple of weeks ago about not slipping back into old bad habits.  You have no idea how motivational you can be.)


I was afeared that I was going to be late but I actually arrived about 12 minutes early for meditation... NICE!!!  When I went into the changing room there was a gentleman I had not seen before, he greeted me with a smile and asked, 'Are you here for Aikido too?'  Yessir I am indeed. 'Cool, I usually can't make the evening classes so this is the only time I can come.'  Ahhh I am in a similar boat myself, I usually try to go to the evening classes but my show schedule this week and next are making that rather difficult at the moment.


I put on my Gi and entered the dojo.  Today there was only myself, Nike, Matt (whom I just met) and Andrew Sensei.  This was my first time meeting Andrew Sensei.  He welcomed me into the dojo and shook my hand.  What stood out to me about Andrew Senei, he is about my size, if I were about 60 lbs leaner and he has many tattoos.  He shares one feature with the rest of the Shodan and above... a closely shaven head.  I am beginning to wonder if this is a rite of passage when one reaches shodan, do you shave your head?  Only time will tell I suppose, it also just may be coincidence.  I did find out the Nike is going back to Germany in the next three weeks,  For some reason that makes me sad a little bit.  She is a very interesting woman and was the first person to greet me in the dojo beside Meido Sensei. 


We all talked for a bit.  I made mention that I couldn't get to the evening classes like I wanted to and Andrew Sensei at one point made the comment, well the morning classes don't really interrupt anything except maybe sleep... we all laughed, because HOW TRUE.  I did notice when I arrived the dojo was already set for meditations.  Nike politely asked me if I had been to one before.  Yessam I have.  I picked up my pillows bowed, and took my place.  Try to get comfortable then DDDDIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg  KLACK!  DDDDIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggg... And we were into it.  I think I did better.  I didn't fidget at much until the last couple moments and my limited fidgets were kept to my toes and not shifting position.  I had a little trouble clearing my mind... So many thoughts.  I did have a couple moments of clarity.  I do remember a Metra train whizzing by the dojo and the most brilliant golden textured light twinkling on the wall almost like spirits welciming me into a different state of conscousness.  Yeah, okay, so I can't turn off the lighting designer part of me, even if I want to.  Ya know, there was one moment that stands out in my mind particularly.  I was finally reaching clarity and found myself aware of everything around me, my body, and the colors in the room started to shift around me slightly.  Darker more rich... then BBBBUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZ!!!!!  Someone rang the front buzzer... needless to say, the moment was gone.  Nike got up and answered and returned... Damn that was frustrating.  *sigh*  I wanted to get fidgety, but I resisted the urge as much as possible.  I did at one point try to wiggle my toes on my right foot... nothing.  Okay, DON'T PANIC!!! This has happened before, you'll stand up and feeling will return, I promise... The words of Matt Weaver and several others reverberated through my head, you're not doing damage, you're just pinching a nerve slightly... DON'T PANIC!!!!  Deep Breath... 1....2.....3....  DDDDIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggg  KLACK KLACK!!!  Everyone else rose and cleared the mats for class.  I tried to standup... My right leg actually felt like it wasn't there... AT ALL... Don't panic...  I tried to stand again, my leg would bare no weight.  didn't hurt, just wouldn't respond.  Slowly the feeling began to return.  I limped off the mat and stowed my cushions.  It took almost 5 minutes for me foot to come back fully.  No pins and needles this time.  what does this prove to the Dustin???  I need to sit more.  I am kicking myself for letting that part slide so much lately in my day to day operations.  To be honest it is likely this would be helping with the bouts of depresssion that tend to strike me so hard... live and learn.

I had only but a few brief moments to get some water before Aikido.  Three more students showed up at that point to join the morning fun, two of whom I had not met previously.  Andrew's warmup sequence is quite different from that of all previous teachers I had encountered.  I still happened to make it through pretty easily.  I must have been having issues with breakfalls for some reason though as he stopped the class and broke the falls down into steps.  *sigh*  The difference between what I already know and what I am learning are very frustrating sometimes.  When we go to techniques things were quite interesting.  I find myself trying to keep pace with the other students in class and every now and again have to stop to breath for a second.  I really wish I could remember the names of the techniques.  Apparently today was about wrist grabbing.  The first technique was quite complex and I don't know that i can accurately describe since I did not fully understand it.  What I DID glean from it though is my ending position for pinning to the ground.  There has always been a bit of space between my legs and the ribcage of Uke.  Andrew showed me how use my knees to help pin the person in place as well as how to use my weight to pin the arm instead of relying on my brute strength. (I'm on the brute squad)


The next technique involves stepping to the side and behind the Uke and clutching thier head in your elbow to throw them off balance and then a second step to throw them backwards.  Very simple.  


the last technique Andrew called a sword cut and I think I can understand why.  When the opponent grabs your wrist you simply rotate to the outside, while swithing hands.  As you finish the rotation you actually move under the bridge yuove created and set the opponent backwards to the ground.  I think in this rotation you would draw your sword and slash thier back, but I am not wholly sure.

Here's Found a Video, I would recommend also watching Sensei's comments.  Some VERY interesting thoughts in there.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTJSYId003c&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Class finished a few moments early and I headed off to the dressing room.  Ansrew was putting on his shoes just outside the door and asked how I like it.  I told him that is was nice to work with someone new and that I did like he was far more strict and specific about technique.  He laughed and said he thought he was taking it easy on us.  And then He looked me in the eye and said, 'Welcome to the morning class..'  I think he knows I will be back for the mornings.  In the dressing room I spoke with matt for a few moments.  He laughed and said,'i hate class in the heat, sometimes you start sweating just by putting your Gi on.'  I laughed, because he's absolutely right.  I sat down for meditation and felt the first beads of sweat stat to form on my brow... and I wasn't even moving.  I can't imagine whats its going to be like when its 90 out.   Ultimately in reflection I think i liked getting up early and meditating and working out A LOT.  The entire day I have felt great.  Even though my muscles are a little sore, its a good feeling knowing that i don't have to work out again until tomorrow if I don't want to.  I wonder if one of these days I am going to have the wherewithall to do a morning session and then go back for an evening class.  Nike does it, why shouldn't I?


So this round of Aikido was pretty straight forward. 


quick recap of things I have learned and need to work on:


I need to 'sit' more.  I don't like feeling like my leg has been removed from my body.
I am getting better about fidgeting with meditations.
I still have a littel hitch in the top of my range of motion of my shoulder.  I have to wonder if I didn't do some rotator cuff damage at work a while back.
I am not a morning person, but if I continue these morning workouts... that may change.


Anyhow, until next time.


'D'

   

Day 9: Back to Basics (and 'D' gets shived)

So i come to this post tonight in an interesting place.  I know this is a word I use often as I truly mean it.  Interesting can be good, it can be bad, but it is still none-the-less 'interesting'.  I always think back to the old Chinese(I think)proverb, 'May you live in interesting times.'  The past couple weeks I have been finding myself struggling again.  I have been plagued the past number of nights with very strange dreams, very intense, struggling to overcome bad habits and my aptitude for slipping back into old ways of thinking and living.  I think right now with the place I find myself my training is going to be growing in importance to my life and well-being  moving to the future.  I don't know what I am going to do when I head to Colorado.  My choices for martial training are VERY limited in Steamboat and the closest Aikido dojo is in Boulder which is 2+ hours away... Ultimately I will tackled that issue as I get to it.

This Wednesday started much as many others do.  I had the day off from work and spent much of the day answering emails, making work calls, played a game or two, tried to eat healthy, washed my gi and generally focused on the self-descipline I have imposed upon myself for the week. On Wednesday class for me starts at 7:00.  I leave the house at 6:00 to try and make it early so I have time to change, meditate a few moments, and generally gear myself up for class.  The week in gerenal has been quite interesting in class as everyone is bustling with anticipation as this weekend is rank testing.  At Shinjinkai, testing comes only three or four times a year. So it is important for one to be prepared if they wish to test... I will be the first to admit.  I am NOWHERE NEAR ready to test.  This is okay.  To be honest, I am not really as concerned about rank as I have been in the past.  Each of the dojos I have been to in the past I have tried to burn through the first rank ASAP as they only would allow students to start weapons training and sparring after yellow belt.  In this regard, Aikido is different.  Here you test with weapons the first time out and from what I can tell there is no real 'sparring' to speak of.  The first rank weapons are very simple in some regards.  From what I gather you only are tested with sword for the first Kyu.  I will get more into details a little later as they figure into class.  

So I left the house at 6:00 for a 7:00 class.  By all rights this should leave me 20 minutes plus to change, stretch, etc... Well... the CTA had other ideas for me.  There was a recent post on Facebook about the CTA being a sort of pseudo-horoscope for some people.  If this was a true asessment... today would have been an AWFUL day for me in the dojo.  Anyhow, I arrived at the dojo a bit later than I wanted to... actually late enough that I missed the first portion of warmup and found myself waiting at the edge of the mat to be allowed to enter class.  Ultimately, I don't think it a huge deal, but I HATE being late.  When a student is late for class they are to sit in Seiza off the mat to be invited by the current instructor.  Luckily it was a senior student leading warmups.  I waited, Kris(I think) folded hands and bowed to let me on to the mat. I quickly went to an open spot and fell into warm-ups.  The good part is... warm-ups get a little easier each class I attend.  First entered Enmei Sensei then was followed by Moore Sensei.  Moore Sensei started class by reminding everyone that it is testing week and if we intended to test we should know if we were going to pass or not by Friday.  He also invited everyone to ask as many questions as they liked as this entire week would be far less formal structure to allow people to prepare for testing.  He reminded us that we are always encouraged to ask questions but this week not to stand so much on formality as is usually required in classes.  After that The class was divided into two specific groups.  Those who have tested before and those who have not.  I have to say, it way slightly gratifying to be part of 6 people who have not tested before.  We are all hopefuls to achieve Gokyu (this is funny to me as a theatre person) or 5th Kyu.  (Aikido structure is 5 kyu's or white belt and 5-8 dan or black belt. I have read the highest attainable rank is 8th dan and 9th dan was handed out by O Sensei to a few choice people more as a gift rather than a symbol any further achievment.  Unlike most other arts, No confusing colors here) Sensei addressed us quickly.  He asked who was planning on testing.  He told the one woman she SHOULD think about testing and he looked at me and shook his head, 'Not you, you haven't quite been around long enough yet.  In time.'  I knew this was no insult or slight at all.  I know I am nowhere close to prepared.  I did also find out that while there is only formal testing several times a year that on occasion tests will just happen as either a 'make-up' or when a student is ready they will test them outside the formal testing...as sensei put it, 'When they are ready.'

I feel as though I have a special connection with my fellow Gokyu aspirants.  We all have joined the dojo with in the past few months and are at varying stages of preparedness for testing, but all low-people on the totem pole.

While Moore Sensei addressed the , for lack of a btter term, upper classmen (wierd to use that word again) enmei sensei worked with us.  She took us all the way back to the very very basics of Aikido.  For this I was quite thankful.  I feel in not being able to take the Introduction to Aikido course on Saturdays that I missed some fundamental principles and have been struggling to play catch-up.  

I do not know how to spell much of what we learned and that is very sad in my mind.  I think I learned more in these two 1 hour classes than I have in my previous weeks combined.  Enmei took us quickly through the entire Gokyu requirement sheet.  At this point I felt as though I became a throwing dummy for the three or four of us who actually planned on testing.  I am quite okay with this.  One of my worst fears is impeding other students' progress though my own ineptitude.  I was happy to be an insturment in thier progress.  About halfway through the class I found myself kneeling and sitting seiza while observing refinements to a technique.  I looked up and Moore Sensei comes walking back, he looks at me, smiles, pulls his tanto from his obi and proceeds to stab in the belly, retracts his tanto, return is to his Obi and walks away. (Let me clarify the 'stabbing' part, he placed the tip of his tanto to my belly with very littel force, just enough so I knew it was there)  He then turns around comes back and repeats this scenario... I couldn't help but laugh.  Really???  Am I that bad I should just be stabbed?  LOL.  He then procedded to gently attempt to stab several other students while grinning and then returned to me.  This time I was ready and just tried to move out of the way... and then moved on.  I couldn't help myself... 'Ummm Sensei, its sooo not fair to stab the new guy.'  He responded with a laugh,'Yeah, its probably not good for the dojo and our numbers if I keep killling the students, huh?'  We laughed, I bowed and he moved back to the advanced students.  Now on a slightly more serious sidenote... I have to wonder, should I try to defend myself?  I mean, I had JUST learned a technique that would be appropriate to someone stabbing at my belly.  I think back to my days with Chuck Coyle... repeatedly he would after class walk at either Jake and I with his hand extended and fingertips pointed at our chest.  We tried to block, duck, redirect, counter attack etc, always to be thrown, locked, poked, prodded, and genrally forced to end up on our back going, 'What the hell just happened?'  On two seperate occasions Jake and I reacted the same way, we just stepped to the side and let him pass.  He smiled and simply said,'Yes.'

Ya know, its moments like that that make me really love learning from Moore Sensei.  While he knows and expresses readily the gravity of that which we do and learn, he also has a sense of humor too.  One day I will ask him more about that... but I think I need to advance some more before I do.   I have noticed, he DOES have a few students he will 'mess' with on occasion, including Enmei Sensei.  I have seen him demonstrate techniques and break inside her defenses and land a bit of a stinging shot to her abs... repeatedly... with a grin.  I think its the grin that disturbs me most.

At one point Enmei sensei made me laugh when she looked at me and said, 'I am going to teach you like I teach my children's class... first you open the gate and strep through the gate 
then close the gate.'

The first session for the night ended fairly abruptly.  We bowed out and all got water, etc.  Now it was time for weapons.  I was not sure if I shold stick for weapons this time around since I knew eveyrone was reviewing.  I asked Enmei sensei if I could stay she smiled and said,'YES! Of course, in fact, you SHOULD stay because you are tested with weapons from the very beginning.'  OH!!!  Okay.  Cool.  We bowed in and Enmei told most of the class to review and pulled the 5 kyu over to the side again.  She adressed each of us by name, except she looked at me... 'Wait, Dusty?' 'Dustin, but call me as you wish.' 'Dustin. Dustin?  Meh, I make up my own names for people Dusty.'  *sigh* Ya know, I really can't fight her on that one.  She is Sensei... good lord I hate being called Dusty.  Oh well, I'll take it as a term of endearment.


We were instructed to put our Jo behind us and to retain our Bokuto.  For some reason I remember this lesson VERY well.

She said basically she was going to run us through a practice test so we know exactly what to exepect.  I will not go into the details for now as I will want to recount that for when I DO actuallly get to test for the first time.


The lessons I do remember very specifically.  How to approach holding your sword.  You hold it as though it was still in the saya at your left side, with your left hand.  You draw straight with your right and then place your left hand on what we know in western swordplay as the pommel.  The first position is Right foot forwardtip of the sword slightly raised at chest height..  Second Position is right foot back sword above the head cocked back, left hand above the crown of your head.  Third position is the same as second but over the right shoulder, sword almost straight up almost as if resting the sword on your shoulder.  Fourth position drops the point the the ground behind you in sort of a 'hidden' stance.  Fifth is in front of you like First but the point is lower, pointed to the knee.  We also Shomanuchi strike.  First position back to second position move down to fifth.  Basically I straight down cut over the head.


We moved to other basics.  Front Breakfall, Back Breakfall, Front Roll, Back Roll, Straight Punch, Shomanuchi Strike (same as sword but with the hand), and a diagonal chop to the neck or face.  The we touched again the 4 basica movements, and the 8 or so techniques one needs for gokyu... WOW... I am so not ready.


For most of this session I was working with another Gokyu hopeful named Ben.  Ben is a big man much like myself and for the first time in the school, I have found someone with bigger wrists than myself.  I actually had a touch of trouble holding onto his wrist for some techniques.  Ben is very eager to help me understand the things he does.  Again though I was having trouble holding onto him for cetain techniques.  He tried to explain I need to hold on for dear life...  I did as best I could, but was till having trouble.  I was also struggling with this notion because it goes against some of the things I was toaught in previous classes about relaxing muscles and not using too much energy needlessly... This is when Matt approached.  Matt is one of the people I have the most respect for in the dojo.  He is always calm, has a smile, and has perfect form... and is a good teacher even of the simple things.  He worked just one technique with me, the same one as Ben to be honest.  He stopped me part way through the technique and said, 'You broke contact. Why?'  Well I can't quite hang on.  I grabbed a bit tighter, he then reminded me to not be so stiff and use so much energy...  Grrrrr... I think he sensed my frustration.  He stopped me for a brief moment and took me VERY slowly through the Uke side of the technique and showed me precisely where I broke contact.  I then gabbed tighter.  He shook his head and showed me that I need to change my level to maintain contact.  Grabbing harder was not the same as retaining contact.  There were little subtleties he showed me that I don't know that I can transmit to text as I don't have to proper words.  Lowering my level was a part of it, but there is a subtle pressure you keep moving towards your opponent that can only really be felt.  I think this contact, pressure, and movement are a key to Aikido in a way... I think this is where the harmony with one's opponent comes from or starts at.  I have so much to learn. 


Finally class finished.  I will tell you... I was DEAD tired.  Actually I was exhausted to the point i actually felt sick to my stomach and once I stepped away and off the mat, I was disoriented and having trouble standing up straight.  The funny part is... I feel freaking GREAT!!!

Yeah, I'm gonna sleep like the dead tonight, no doubt about that.

So quickly a few reflections on what I recall of what I learned tonight:

I am not ready to Test.
Moore Sensei has a very dark sense of humor.
Keeping contact is not the same as holding tighter.
There are subtle pressures involved in Aikido that I am only beginning to become aware of and still have no actual understanding of.


Well until next time...


'D'

Day 8: Too much time out of the dojo equals Dizzy 'D' and a Spinny Head

Okay.. So I haven't been to the dojo for FAR too long.  The first week, I decided against going because my allergies were KILLING me.(This allergy season was worst than I have felt in 10 years or more.)  I figured the other students would appreciate me not sneezing on them and dripping Dustin goo all over the place. The second week, I came down with a nasty cold that had me sneezing, coughing, wheezing, watery eyes, and again I figured everyone would appreciate me not spreading my germs around.  After that well a combination of things happened. Partially I have only myself to blame, but I also was working a VERY intense schedule and it seemed every time I anted to get to the dojo I would get held up at work just late enough to be extremely late or miss class completely.  VERY frustrating... I did email Enmei Sensei and apologized for my absense.  She told me to just come in when I could and they would be excited to have me back in class.  

I arrived at class just barely with enough time to make it onto the mat for warmups. One of the few things I can remember clearly about this class was that there were FAR more students in the room than I had previously seen.  To the point i could not find a spot on the mat.  One word from Sensei and suddenly a spot appeared.  Warmups were REALLY rough for me this time around.  At one point one of the other students turned and asked if I was okay.  I assured her that I was, just a bit more out of shape than I wanted to be.  We got to rolls and Enmei actually stopped me and asked before I rolled the first time. 'Are you okay with rolls?'  Yes ma'am.  No problems there.  Enmei sensei was the sole teacher tonight.  She reminded us that testing was coming this weekend so tonight we would review as much as possible and she asked the senior students to help the lower ranks out as much as possible.

When we broke off Enmei Sensei asked the lower ranks to move off to the left side of the room and work together.  At this point I had the privlege of meeting a new black belt I had not seen before.  His name was Jason.  Now Jason is a fairly wide and short man of ebony skin, a bright smile, and exudes a peace and calmness that I have felt from very few people i have ever met in my life.  One cannot help but release the trials of the day by shaking his hand.  We worked a fairly simple technique and I noticed something about our shodan and above, for the most part they all have an unusally gentle touch.  Jason being the prime example of this.  If you had to plot the pressure and spped of his technique on a graph it would resemble a parabola.  Start very soft and slow, speed up with some intensity and as we move into the part of the technique that would hurt he gently applies pressure until you can feel it.  Also of note as you tap out and he released the technique as slowly as he applied it so there is NO real strain or shock at all.  I actually thought to myself, getting tossed by this guy is actually quite pleasent.

The next section of class I spent working with Rich.  We were trying a technique I had not yet seen before.  I think I was pushing myself a littel harder than I was previously because I was gasping harder than I had previously in classes.  At one point I had to take a knee because I found myself quite dizzy.  This is one of those classes that I am not too sure I retained too much from.  One thing is that we moved VERY quickly and secondly, we used movements I was completely unfamiliar with so I spent more time confused and trying to figure out which way to turn rather than actually learning.  I know one lesson I think i will remember for the rest of my life was given to me by Rich.  I was gasping for air he told me to sit seiza, and squeeze both of my thumbs inside my fist.  While doing this to check in with my shoulders and make sure they weere relaxed.  I am nothing short of amazed out how well this technique works.  I think one of the biggest pitfalls I face is when I am short of breathe is that my muscles around my ribcage contract and then my shoulders tense up and exaserbate the problem.  I think partially this is a function of my asthma as this happens during a bad allergy and asthma attack too.

For now the only reflection I can offer fro this clas are the Squeezing Thumbs technique of regaining breath.
Our Black Belts understand something about gentleness that I can only hope to over time.
And that I really need to not spend 4 weeks out of the dojo or not working out EVER again.

There is one particular side not to this traning day that i think i should mention. Besides the cursory sore muscles and stiff joints from a good workout,  I woke up the next morning breathing easier and clearer than I have in years.  No sniffles, no tight chest, no wheezing, no coughing... interesting.  I suppose the training is having positive effects... there are a couple other factors at play I am sure considering my breaking of old habits, but for now I will contribute it to more training and learning to breath better.  Next class I will get to will get to will be Wednesday.  I am UBER excited.  

'D'     

Aikido Day 6: Contrary to popular belief, Dustin's head is NOT a basketball.

I must apoligze for this particular entry.  I had set aside the post to recap things and realized after weeks of allergies, sickness, and work schedules that I have not finished it... nor been to class in far too long.  

I wore my new gi for the first time... VERY cool.  It took me a while to remember how to tie a belt.  I will admit I did look it up on youtube for a quick reference and learned that a good belt 'knot' is not a knot at all but more of a complex folding pattern.  This makes A LOT of sense considering when one falls on thier front-side, the LAST thing they want is to fall onto a knot in thier belly.  Think of falling on your keys, center it in your belly and then add the force of someone throwing you... OUCH!!!! 

I do remember having my head bounced off the mats more than once by one of the students.  He was chided by Sensei a bit, which I felt awful for.  'SLOW DOWN!!! He is still working on his rolls bare that in mind.'  We were working on a technique designed to defend against someone bum rushing you.  You step out of the way and push the head down as the pass by.  Another version of this is to turn the head nd set it on your shoulder as you drop your level down.  This is so far one of the more lethal techniques we've been shown since it obviously will break someone's neck if done 'imporperly' or properly, I guess depending on perspective and intent.  After 4 weeks though, I can barely remember much more about the class currently.



I know during warmups, I felt less dizzy... nothing esle stands out in my mind currently.  I may come back to this later if I can remember further details.


'D'

Oooo... I've got MAIL!!! And some new threads.

So I start tonight's writing with a slightly heavy sigh.  I appears, I owe someone a dollar.  Due to an alarm clock malfunction (i.e. I don't know the difference between  AM and PM apparently), I did NOT make it to the early class on Tuesday Morning.  I did, however recieve my new Gi(uniform) in the mail over the weekend.  I do have to admit it was sort of like Christmas.  I have owned several Gi's throughout the years. This one is a bit different than I was expecting.  First and foremost was the fact that this sucker is PURE WHITE.  All gi's I have worn till now have been black.  I think that has something to do with the art and its origin.  I have noticed that the Chinese arts tend to lean towards the black uniforms whereas the Japanese tend to favor white uniforms.(This is NOT a rule as anyone who stops by the Iaido class on Weds nights can attest to).  I have also heard tell that the white versus black is based in the core philosophy of the art.  The black uniforms of the Chinese arts is, according to rumor, to symbolize that the arts core value is to destroy, wound, maim, or kill all in the name of self preservation.  On the other side the white uniforms symbolize a desire to preserve life, and only disarm or incapacitate not NOT to kill.  I don't really know how much truth there is to this.  From my observations there is SOME evidence to prove the point, but I cannot say that it is ALWAYS the way.  I mean look at how deadly Aikido can be, BUT also know that Aikido's core principle is for one to create harmony with the world and one's opponent.  One thing I learned in my research recently is that the Hakama, a split pleated skirt or pleated trousers (take you pick) has in it 7 pleats.  One to represent each of the seven virtues of bushido: Benevolence or Mercy, Honor or Justice, Ettiquette or Courtesy, Wisdom or Intelligence, Sincerity, Loyalty, Piety.  I have heard different versions of the seven virtues, but the idea still remains the same.

After the color of the Gi, first of all, thing I noticed were the pants.  All of the uniform pants I have had up until this time were semi-cheaply made, had a simple drawstring waist and I diamond panel in the crotch (to allow for extra movement that martial artist tend to favor).  These new pants have a double drawsting, one for each side, AND more peculiarly a little loop on the front.  I have NO CLUE as to the function of the loop.  Each side of the pants has a deep V cut where the drawstrings come out of the pants.  Upon closer examination the pants are heavily re-inforced in the knees and at the seams. Ultimately the pants fit VERY well, allow for extra room to move in and feel very light.  I think I may just have to be weary of my under garments as the sides leave one a tad bit exposed.

The top honestly feels like a BIG comfy bathrobe.  I swear this thing MUST be too big.  When examining the top closer a couple things are quickly apparent.  First the material is heavy.  VERY sturdy.  There is a sort of almost waffle like pattern inthe fabric.  Again all the stitching is re-inforced.  It seems as though there is a double layer of fabric on the shoulders and elbows.  I am a littel worried I will be too warm in this, but this IS what I was told to order.  It does seem to me that most other students have slightly lighter material in their Gi's   I wonder if there is a light weight version out there.  I am going ot want that as the weather warms up and gets hot.  The Gi also came with an Obi, AKA belt.  I think i am going to use my old Obi.  I know it doesn't really matter, but I do see the dirt on my old Obi as a sign of past accomplishments that shall guide me into the future. 

SO what's the first thing that a Dustin does when he gets new clothes???  YUP!!! He tries them on!  So i THOUGHT I bought it too big, the relaity is, when I tie everything together, my new Gi fits VERY nicely.  I think i am going to end up wearing a shirt and shorts underneath to manage sweat production, but I am pretty sure almost everyone in class does some variation on a theme, particularly the women (for modesty's sake, I am sure.)  Now here is where I have to admit something minorly shameful... after almost 10 years of not actively studying... I forgot how to tie my belt.  I thought it would be in muscle memory... not so much.  I sort of got it... nope... not really.  I didn't want ot look dumb going into class so I will also openly admit, I looked it up.  What I found is that different styles and school sometimes use different ways of tieing.  I found one paticularly good video that I can no longer find the link for, that describes the 'knot' being an actual knot per se, but more or a specific way to fold the cloth so it cannot come undone.  This actually makes more sense than a knot anyhow since if you fall to your belly, that LAST thing you want to land on is a knot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksKl1ptKUV8

Well... I got my Gi, so now I won't feel so out of place, and I have a clue as to how to tie my belt... I guess this means I need to get my ass back to class.  Weds night is my next chance.  Double class with weapons then trivia.  Should be a good day.




 

Aikido Day 5: They look like big strong hands...

After having the weekend to myself with Sesshin going on, I have found myself a trifle conflicted.  For some reason, it was very easy to make excuses to not get to the dojo this week.  My excuses were not that I didn't want to be there as I do truly enjoy the expeirence I have there.  I had no real pain to speak of after the last class on Wednesday night save for the few sore muscles from working out.  I found that someway, somehow I got it into my head that I shouldn't keep showing up to class without a proper uniform even though Sensei has said nothing to me of the kind except my first night suggesting which places to go.  Next I found myself being 'sooooo tired.'  BULLSHIT!!!  'D' you're just being lazy.  Well... actually I have to be honest with myself and anyone who reads this.  I fell back into a bad habit briefly.  Well two of them actually.  I shan't say any more on the first topic than that.  I will comment however, I DID recognize the problem and took steps to make sure I could step away from it and climb back up.  The second bad habit or issue that I faced was letting myself fall into a pit of despair, self-loathing, and hatred.  I don't know what happened really.  I woke up Tuesday morning with anxiety like I have not felt in ages.  Once I cleared my head, I decided it was time to try and put my head back on straight.  Ultimately, I think the two issues went hand in hand.  Just further proof why I needed to step away from all of that.  I decided that I would call Tuesday a mulligan and start fresh in the morning.  And that is precisely what I did.

Wednesday I woke up with a mission.  Originally I was slated to go do some work downtown but that ended up getting canceled about two minutes before I left the house.  Good deal.  This would allow me to wash my workout clothes, maybe do a little 'sitting' and all around try to regain focus.    I found myself very eager to catch up on my writing and get all of my blog posts up to date.  I did sit for a little while.  Actually i have noticed when I sit at home, I have no real concept of time.  I don't know if this is bane or boon.  I suppose it just is.  I also found myself for the first time in quite a while at the grocery store.  I made a VERY conscious decision.  I decided I am going to try and get closer to this vegetarian diet that Sensei is suggesting.  I don't know that I will ever be able to cut meat completely out of my diet... I mean REALLY, what kind of a wolf doesn't eat meat???  But in that, I am definitely making my way towards that end.  No red meats in my cart and in fact the vast majority of my purchases were vegetables and fruits.  I figure with how much I like to snack, if I have something healthy I can reach for it will do me some good.  I made a very sensible lunch when I got home and prepared to go to the dojo.  


Now there are reasons why Spring is my favorite time of the year... My sinuses are NOT one of them... *sigh* My nose is like a leaky faucet that drips incessantly through the night on a tin pan place upside down...in a word... ANNOYING!!!  However, I DID find myself stopping along the way to take in the newly warm air, examining the freshly budding flowers, and to say hi to the beautiful puppies I saw along the way.  I REALLY wish I could have a dog.  


My exit from the apartment was slightly later than I would have like so I arrived to the dojo about 8 minutes before class.  While it is not a RULE per se, it is recommended that students arrive on the mat fully dressed sitting in seiza to practice meditating 5 minutes before class is to start.  I am not sure HOW I changed so quickly... but I made it just in time and actually with one minute to spare.  On my way to the mat I stopped briefly to speak with Sensei and let him know I HAD ordered my gi and it would be arriving hopefully in the next day or two.  I don't know WHY I am so stuck on this idea of not having the proper uniform.  I think maybe part of it is that I feel like an outsider as I obviously standout from the rest of the class with my black workout clothes against all thier white gi's and obi.  I tried to put myself quickly into a meditative state and at least get another few moments of focus.  JUST as I hit that slow breathing, Terri (another senior student) hopped up and began the warm-up.  You know... I will not say that warm-ups are getting easy as that is just not true... BUT today was a little easier than the day before.  I was still heaving at the chest when we were done, but I was not NEARLY as dizzy as I was before.  Actually I remember hearing in the back of my head Sensei's voice saying my rolls looked good.  At one point I was quite dizzy and needed to stop I looked back and I was holding up the entire line of students... DAMMIT!!! I HATE holding up other people.  I looked back at Matt and offered for him to go ahead of me.  He smiled put his hand out for me to continue and said, 'At your own pace.'  I am not quite sure how to take comments like that... Should I slow down as it looks like I might hurt myself?  Should I speed up and try to increase my pace? Well, I did what Dustin's do.  I pushed on and tried to keep pace with the rest of the class.  Rolls are all fine and well, a little dizzy, but I know that will pass with time.  Its the damn duck walk that gives me issues.  I feel like I am the only one that cannot do these damn things with any efficacy.  What makes it worse is there are people doing spins while doing this, showoffs... One day.  


Class was very unique for me this time around.  Mostly because much of it was VERY humorous.  Tonight we were focused on entangling techniques.  All the techniques were actually VERY familiar to me in slightly altered forms.  I suspect that is going to be a very continual theme for a while.  I was paired at first with a gentleman I didn't quite know.  Actually it was the first time I had seen him.  He stood about two inches shorter than I.  I really wish I could remember the names of the techniques, but not know Japanese is making that a touch difficult.  I remember in Kenpo all the techniques had very pretty names like Diving for Pearls(guess what THAT one is) Brush of Danger, Choking the Storm, or Dance of Death, and combat Karate they were fairly straight forward names that were easy to remember... Maybe I should look into some Rosetta Stone Japanese or some such.  It seems like you have to speak Japanese to some extent to get very far in this art anyhow.


I do know that technique we studied tonight was to defend against an attacker grabbing you shoulder, lapel, chest or something like that.  You take a step back with a block, wrap your arm around their in a big circle and lock your hand to their chest and extend.  This technique is how shall we say... uncomfortable.  Sensei DID make a point of saying, 'We must be careful with pairing on this one as you do have to make good solid contact with the chest...'  The two girls in class giggled and shot off to one side of the room.  Sensei laughed.  Then it dawned on me what he was saying.... OOooooooohhhh... teehee... I think I may have blushed a little.  Now this particular technique I actually learned in Kung Fu one of my first classes.  Soon...We discovered very quickly that my partner was having an EXTREMELY difficult time finishing this technique.  For some reason he could not wrap my arms up.  Sensei saw the problem and tried to help...  We then all sort of realized I have big arms and a barrel chest.  Actually I have never given it much thought as I take my strength for granted most of the time and forget that I spent four years of highschool power lifting.  Sensei chided my partner very jokingly saying you have to pick someone in similar size in class, we both looked around... I am the largest person in class tonight by far.  Actually looking back, it seems I am the biggest person in the dojo besides Ben.  We laughed and continued to flumox about.  There really was not proper pairing for me.  So with much struggle we were both able to work our arms into proper positions... and then we got stuck.Yeah this technique, VERY uncomfortable, even MORESO when you are STUCK to your partner.  It took some clever manipulation but finally we unwedged our arms.  I THINK my partner was glad to switch after this technique to someone a little less bulky.

The next technique I found myself paired with Matt and Terri once again.  This was a similar technique but another direction and a slightly different ending...  I was working through it with Matt and Sensei walked by and said something to the effect, 'Dustin you should enjoy this one, its a kill shot.  At the end you draw your knife from your obi and (makes a striking motion to Matt's ribs) OR better yet you draw HIS knife and use it against him.'  You know what... I LIKE Sensei, I really do.  BUT, Do I really come off as the type that takes a certain amount of glee and knowing kill shots and gruesome ways to finish my enemies?  Yeah I guess I do.  If you bore witness to Jake and I's knife test for the SAFD that is all the proof you need.  I digress.  Matt and I continued.  Now... looking back to an earlier episode, well actually the very FIRST day of class , I  made mention of all the weapons on the racks, one stood out to me as I wondered what it was for... a particularly large large club... Hold that thought.  So Matt and I were working and I catch Sensei walking up with what I can only describe as a small trunk of a tree with a Bokken handle carved in it and a smile on his face and a slightly devious look... I mean this is one of the biggest clubs I have seen.  This... Can't ... Be... Good.  


I swear there was a moment when I flashed back to some earlier body hardening exercises in Kenpo and Combat Karate and REALLY thought he might actually strike me with this small sequoia he is brandishing about like its a baton.  I laughed,' I was wondering when that was going to come out.  Eeeek.'  Sensei laughed again and said, 'Its a training tool.'  And took a big swing.  Now, in reality I know I was not in danger, nor was he actually swinging this symbol of pure barbarism weapon AT me, but I did take a step back and was close to trying to hide behind Matt.  Then Sensei explained further that is was indeed a training tool for sword technique and he called it his Bam Bam stick.  He then proceeded to swing it above his head and in a downward cutting motion.  He explained then that this was for sword training and that I should try and stop it using my core and body as trying to do the exercise with all arms was practically impossible OR in my case would make me VERY tired very quickly.  

Then we were all told to make a circle.  This is new.  Sensei came walking into the circle with the Big club over one shoulder and a smaller version over his other. 'Okay everyone, this is Big Bertha and Little Bertha.'  He went into detail how to do the exercise.  If you have done other  western sword techniques this was essentially a mullinet (no idea how to spell properly) to a downward cut on center line.  This thing was NOT light.  We went around the circle each person doing the small one first and then Big Bertha.  Surpisingly enough this technique is quite easy if you let the sword do the work.  I have this sinking feeling that this is going to be VERY important in sword training.  I had another very small victory in my mind during this exercise.  Even student that were far more expirienced than I were having a bit of trouble doing this without clobbering themselves in the head, hitting duct work, etc.  Then just like that the FIRST class was over.  We bowed, stepped off the mat, and I found myself to the water cooler and a towel.  While I was drinking, Nekka came bounding over and very smiley asked if I was staying for weapons.  I had a big grin and said YUP!!!  Y'all got me addicted with the last one.  She smiled and bounded off.  I think I like Nekka, she  has always been very smiley, helpful, and seems eager to make freinds.  It is funny as she has been in the US for only about 6 months so her english is a little off but she barely has an accent.  She is from germany and speaks English VERY well, but she does mix up conjugations of things quite often.  It amuses me as Matt is always quick to correct her English.  I take for granted sometimes that English can be a very difficult language to master since the way we say things is a little off on occasion.  I laughed and told her that what Matt was teaching her was American and not nessecarily English.  From what I gather she is Uchideshi or the personal student of Sensei Meido.  I have a feeling she is going to become another good friend in time.


We lined up and sat waiting for the next class.  There were only three people that stayed for weapons.  I wonder why other folks aren't as inclined to stay for weapons when they are already there for class anyhow.  I guess they all have real lives or something, or maybe they don't like weapons, or... well who knows.  I just know this is the second weapons class of this size and I am getting the impression it is typically the case.  


I learned one thing at the start of class tonight.  Grab all three weapons as we never know which form is going to be taught.  Tonight we put our bokken to the back of the mat and retained our Jo.  If you are not familar, a Jo is a short staff that is approximately 4' in length.  They are VERY sturdy and it seems like I will be able to generate a lot of power.


Tonights weapons class... taught by Matt this time.  Jo basics involve A LOT of repetition of small movements.  I think the weapons class was actually harder for me than the unarmed class was.  The first thing we did was strike in a thrust.  I can say that at this point it felt like I was shooting pool for the first 10 minutes. There is a littel turn of your backhand that I was having trouble with but I am sure it will come in time.  I will spare you the details about most of the practice since we basically worked variations of a theme.  Some important points though.  There is one movement the is a overhead block with a slight step to the side that finishes in a diagonal strike.  The step to the side is fine although it feels awkward and off-balance when taking it on the count  given by Matt.  there is also a small shuffle with the hands that takes place over the head just before the strike that was also a littel wierd to master.  Once we spead it up and my instincts took over, the movment actually felt VERY good and powerful.  There was a variety of ways to strike from either having the point of the Jo at the ground or from a ready stance.  Each technique we did 50 times.  10 times on Matt's count, 10 times on each students count, and 10 more on matt's count again.  Each time it was my count Matt was very clear... 'On YOUR pace.'  I suppose this gave me leave to slow down and be very precise... I just felt so bad as though I was slowing other's progress... Everytime it was my count though, 'At your pace.'  *sigh* I hate flundering on techniques.  I have always had a pretty decent kinesthetic awareness and usually have been able ot learn techniques with only a few times of being taught.  In this class... I feel like a moron sometimes.  So many littel corrections constantly.  I am VERY grateful for having such wonderful teachers that are willing to help me break bad habits and learn the ways of Aikido, but I also hate feeling like I am affecting others in a negative way.  At one point I was asked how it felt.  I replied that I like it but my other experiences were with Long Staff or Quarter Staff. Matgt laughed, thats a different set of mechnaics.  Yeah, I agreed or a different set of physics.


Once we finished the practice... my arms were nothing but wet noodles hanging at the side of my body.  Here I am finishing this post several days later and my muscles are STILL sore like it was the day after class.  Wow.  Who'd a thunk a 4' twig that weighs approximately 1lb could destroy my arms so much.  


After class as I was returning my weapons to the rack Matt complimented me and said I did really well tonight.  I smiles and thanked him... I really wish I beleived him.  I laughed and said, ya know, this place is kicking my ass all over the place.  He laughed and said, 'Good.  then we're doing our job.' 


As is now typical, we swept the mats very ritualistically and cleaned up.  Then Nekka came up with a bucket full of water and several rags and said, 'Come on!' and beckoned me to the right side of the dojo.  'You know how to do dis?'(in her barely perceptible German accent.)  Not exactly.  She dipped the cloth in the bucket (which smelled like a swimming pool for the record), spread the cloth out over a little section of mat. and shot to the other side keeping the cloth in front of her with her hands.  When she got to the other side she again beckoned me and said, 'Well come on.'  I took a deep breath and went for it... step step step PLOP!!!! On my face.  I tried again step step PLOP!!!  Okay... so have you ever waxed a floor REALLY well and then tossed a tennis ball over to the corner for your favorite Golden retrienver, Black Lab, or just about ANY puppy?  Yeah... I was the puppy.  the problem with pushing the rag in FRONT of you is that mat BEHIND the rag (i.e. STILL in front of you) is now wet and slick.  The other student had completed the whole of the dojo floor by the time I had made it back from my first trip. STEP STEP PLOP STEP STEP PLOP... I can only imagine how amusing it was to watch  me flounder like a fish on a boat deck... As I arrived back Matt sadi in his very teacherly way,' You know this DOES server a purpose, right?' You mean beside the obvious disinfecting the floor? 'Yes.  This is to help you learn balance.  The idea is to learn to counter how much pressure you need on the floor, how fast to go, against your weight moving forward.  Keep practicing.'  I suddenly got the feeling that I was going to be disinfecting A LOT more mats in the days ahead.  Hopefully noone is around to watch until I can learn to not slide like a puppy on rollerskates.  


Tonight we all parted ways without much todo besides a quick goodnight and Matt reaffriming that I did well.


On my way the gravity of my arm situation quickly became apparent, I could barely get my wallet out of my pocket to get on the train.  Instead I grabbed a cab as I was supposed to head a few blocks North to meet a bunch of theatre folks for trivia night.  That is a story for another day though.


Looking back on Wednesdays classes I am can come up with a few quick reflections.  


First, I am still out of shape... I am going to be for quite some time.
My arms are much larger than I have realized and prohibit some tecniques from being done on me.  I suppose this is a good thing for real life scenarios, but this may become problematic for training in the future.  Since I cannot really make my arms smaller, I am going to have to find alternate means to explore these tecniques.
third... my balance SUCKS!!!  I am fairly graceful most of the time but doing something simple like cleaning the mats was a real chore.  
Next, matt's weapons classes... are... hmmmm.... a good workout.  I'll leave it at that.

Sensei is a very funny guy and I REALLY want to use big Bertha some more.  Actually really when looking at things a littel more in detail I think I might want to start taking Iaido.  I have always wanted to learn good Japanese sword technique... well here's my chance.  Next class I will be able to attend will be Tuesday morning.  The real question, does Dustin ACTUALLY make it out of bed for a 6:30 am meditation and a 7:00am Aikido class.  My money is on that I will.  Until Next time...


'D'

Aikido Day 4: Beer and Katanas a happy Dustin make.

Well I made it though my first week of Aikido training. This is no small feat for a man who finds himself a bit out of shape of body and mind. I do feel a bit of pride in making it so far. This week I ordered my dogi (aka 'gi') and it should arrive here in the next couple of days. I know it comes with a white belt of its own, but I have to ask Sensei if I can use my old Obi from prior trainings. I know this may sound off or odd but I feel there is enough energy stored in there from old times that might be helpful in my future, but then again when I look back at the times when I was last traning, I also wonder if there might be some old things I might not want to bring with me on this chapter of my journey... I shall think on this later.

This week I sadly found myself not able to get to the dojo when I woul dhave liked because of shows and rehearsals (aaaaahhhhh the theatre life), Finally though I was able to free up my Weds Night and get into class. As I stepped into the dojo i was greeted by several now familiar faces which is always pleasent. I quickly changed and headed to my spot on the mat. Warmups went just a little bit easier this time around... progress? There are two parts of the warm-ups I am struggling with a bit... one... what I we used to call in wrestling the duck walk. This particular exercise you start from your knees and walk about the space never leaving the ground but extending your legs as fully as you can. My knees, yeah they REALLY aren't a fan of this, but I press on. I am holding to my old wrestling addage 'Pain is just weakness leaving the body.' The second part I am having troubles with is where we roll back and try to touch our toes to the ground behind us... This is a trifle embarassing, but this actually REALLY doesn't go well for me. I get stuck not being able to breathe. I am pretty sure its because I have a belly. Now all things in their own time, but this is really beginning to be motivation for me to cut weight.

Class was interesting this time for me. First techniques we worked was something we worked the first day with a minor change. Cool!!! Sensei told us to go work with partners... There was an odd number of students... so I was all alone. Matt grabbed me and another student and we worked in threes. I also worked with Chris another black belt in this manner. The next technique we were shown was familiar to me from Kenpo. It was a simple block to the side while stepping in. The block itself turn into a punch as Sensei says, 'to give them a littel something to think about.' and then you follow in with a deep strike to the stomach. This was the first technique I actually felt completely comfortable with. COOL!!! Now this time Enmei Sensei grabbed me and one of the ladies in the class. I THINK her name was Christine, but I cannot be sure. What DID stand out about her is she is a dead ringer for my sister in about 5 to 8 years. Enmei and she worked, then Enmei stepped aside. I attacked Christine she stepped to the side and blocked and POP!!! Yes. She DID give me a bit to think about.  Straight to the kisser.  It was a very light pop to the mouth but just enough to wake me up. She felt awful and apologized up and down. I just laughed and tried to assure her that she won't break me THAT easily. After that moment she was slightly more timid in her technique which made me sad actually. While I appreciate the gentleness that is the norm in this dojo, I DO miss getting popped in the kisser every now and again. Makes one feel alive and reminds them there IS danger in what we are doing.  Part of me also really misses sparring something fierce.  I dunno, maybe I miss the danger, the battle of two people, or the test of my abilities... or maybe sparring is a huge ego stroke for me on occasion...

After repeating the technique back and fourth some Sensei stops us and clarifies a few finer points of the technique. The one big thing he comments on is hip movement. 'This is not winding up with all of your hips as is common in many contemporary Chinese and mixed arts...' I have to think that comment was directed at me. The things is when I checked in with myself while doing the technique I was indeed coiling my hips. Old habits die hard.  The thing is, this technique lends itself really well to and setups perfectly a large power shot since you are breaking inside their defense and opening up their belly. I shall endeavour to repeat Sensei's wishes though. I am guessing there is a reason to not setup for the power, but I am not sure what it is right now.

Class moved very quickly... then I stayed. Tonight was to be my first weapons class. I asked Matt briefly if I was allowed to stay. I know many schools do not allow weapons training until a certain rank. Nope, everyone is welcome to take part. AWESOME!!!! I was given brief instruction in respect to the weapon, the space, and teacher. I DID feel in a bit over my head at several points during the class but everyone was VERY patient with me. Weapons class was not taught by Sensei Meido however. It was taught by Sensei Enmei. I have to say it was quite refreshing to have a different teacher with some different energy. For the most part we worked one technique the whole class. Much to my chagrin and against my best efforts, I must have been showing some form of frustration as it was said to me many times, this is a very advanced technique, don't worry, you're doing very well.' I am never sure what to think of those sorts of comments. I am always concerned people are just ego stoking me to keep me going, but then again, this technique requires setting the opponent up with a feint, letting them attack and beating their time to cut directly at their hands... Simpe enough right... Well except for the fact that as Uke (the agressor normally, but in this the oppoenent of the technique) if you do not react in time you end up getting a lovely wrapping as is someone is tapping not so gently on your chamber door.  You would think after one shot to the top of my thumb, I would learn to react quicker.  NOPE.  I think I might like pain or something.  CRACK!  Again  CRACK!  DAMMIT Again... CRACK.  Well needless to say the top of my right thumb knuckle is bruised all to hell and feels a bit stiff.  Live and Learn I guess.  I think my biggest struggle with this Bokken style is doing everything right handed.  I am so fraking left handed it is sort of insane.  Although it I think is a good thing since it means I have to basically learn from the beginning and can break any bad habits I might have picked up... or so one would think. One correction I had consistently in this class... my sword point was grabbed and moved directly over my opponents head. THIS GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER LEARNED IN STAGE COMABT!!!! Wait... what?? Oh this isn't stage combat anymore? Ohhhhh... its the real deal? I see. Yeah, stage combat training strikes again and again and again.  AIM AT THE PERSON 'D' they are trying to kill you.  After class Enmei apologized to me several times saying she should have given me more of a tutorial on stances and things. I assured her I was okay and trying to pick up as fast as I can. After putting away my Bokken, there was a genral request for people to stay and help clean as well as unpack some stuff for Sesshin ... Sesshin I found out later in the night is a sort of Zen meditative retreat where you end up meditating for something like 14+ hours a day and EVERYTHING is ritualized... including eating. I am not ready for this. In taking stuff down, Sensei Meido puts out a case of beer. I went to grab it and put it with all the other things.. 'No,' Sensei says smiling to me,' Take One if you like.' WAIT WHAT???? THERE'S BEER HERE???!!!!!!!! YES!!!!! 'One thing about Japanese martial Artist is they tend to drink... A LOT... Here we don't drink ALOT, but we DO drink. Enjoy.' So we all finished the chores at hand, cracked our beers and sat on the mat for a while. I have to say it was pretty awesome getting to know my dojo brothers and sisters a bit while knocking back a cold one.  I made a joke that wasn't well recieved... I should have know, puns are NOT for everyone.  Enmei said as she finally plopped down on the mat, I am so not sitting Seiza(kneeling as if ready to meditate).  I responded, nope, you're sitting Cervaza.  Hey I thought it was funny.  Oh well, I guess it takes a special crowd to get my humor.  After Weds night, I REALLY am starting to like it here. Yeah the beer is cool and all but really I am loving that so many people will just sit and BS after class and share something.  I think Meido was right on the website saying that in today's electronic age we are so used to being disconnected and distanced from everyone and in the dojo you HAVE to have intimate contact with your partners.  Shared experiences like this form a bond that is rare to find in any context in today's world. It is one of those moments in my life that I see a common bond between people and warm my heart and soul on a unique level. I really can't wait to go to class again... the only problem, my grandiose plans for class over the weekend were dashed apparently when Sesshin is happening all the regular classes are canceled. That's okay, it will let me focus on work anyway...

Two things I learned very specifically about weapons training. Keep the tip pointed to the back of the class room. And when bowing to a partner on your knees place the sword to your sword and not in front of you. Apparently to the front symbolizes your willingness and readiness to draw you weapon. Not what we want for friendly training exercises.

My quick reflections on this class... I might want to try and unlearn my Kenpo AND my stage combat training. While many of the fundamentals remain I wonder if my pension for big winding movements of my hips for power and my inability to actually aim AT my opponent are going to hurt me in the long run.  I wonder if it is necessary to unlearn it but maybe try to adjust it to fit this form.  The hardest part is going to be the stage combat. I think I may ask this of Roshi next time I am at meditation.

Until next time...

Aikido Day 3: Triple Threat

So as one may or may not be able to tell from my last adventure. That workout is kicking my ass. I think I made the wise desicion in not pushing myself too far and trying to pull off a second Aikido class Monday night. Getting home from the dojo after not working out for quite some time was an interesting experience to say the least. I have strong legs. I grew up playing soccer and have always been proud of how well built and strong my lower half is, but apparently, there is this little tiny muscle on the inside of my knee that even in former training I had NEVER used before. How do I know this? The 'discomfort' Sensei spoke of was centered RIGHT THERE. Interesting to say the least. After a bit of stumbling and fumbling around, I made it home and into bed. I am pretty sure I have not slept that hard in YEARS!!! I felt great the next day... okay let me rephrase, emotionally and spiritually I felt great. Physically... there was well yes... discomfort. I could barely stand up because my legs rebelled at the very idea of supporting my mass. *sigh*

The next few days were a challenge at work since walking up and down stairs is not my freind. I had origionally intened to go back to the dojo for Wedsnesday night so I could maybe get my first weapons class. But as luck would have it Weds rolled around and I had to make a choice. I opted to stay home and let myself further recouperate a littel more.

On my days off I DID however try and get my 15 minutes of sitting in, with moderate success. I really think I should try and push myself in that direction as well as going to classes.

Because of working on Orothodox Jewish Girl School plays such the one about the Orphan with the red hair(thats RIGHT I refuse to name the show forever more), I found myself with another Friday NIght to myself. BRILLIANT!

I did some some quick laundry and found myself to the dojo. I arrived quite a bit early and tried stretched a bit in attempt to fend off the sore muscles. This time... I went through the majority of the warmups with no additional instruction... right up until the point where we started to roll. Sensei asked one of the other students to give me a quick tutorial on rolling. Surpisingly enough.. I actually knew how to roll rather effectively, on my right side. For some reason when I rolled on my left I had a small issue. When I say small issue I mean I somehow drove my shoulder straight into the mat... OWWWWW!!!! This was also the shoulder a couple of months ago decided to start to dislocate while working on a call at Steppenwolff... again... OWWW!!! The student, whose name I really cannto remember showed me where I went wrong, I didn't quite tuck enough... I will never do THAT again. All in all things went fairly well, I made it through the warmups... still widned, but a littel less winded than I was the last time... You know each time I get a littel further in a workout or class without hurting, breathing hard, or being exhausted, an Avett brothers song begins to play in my head, 'Maybe I don't have to be good, but I can try to be at least a little bit better than I've been so far...' One thing I am focusing on Matt's suggestion is slowing down my breathing and learning to conserve energy. I am used to doing everything with such force that I end up using most of my energy early in class... This has been mentioned to me more than once now... My how old haibts die hard.

Looking back I can barely remember the techniques we learned that night. Things in these classes move VERY quickly so I feel a littel bit at a loss. I know ulitamtely we will come back to things, but I also know now that things are no longer slowing down because of 'the new guy.' which brings me some solace. Class seemed like it ended VERY quickly. Now where I had beaten feet before second and third classes... tonight I was determined to stay a little bit longer. Now I will openly admit that my choice to stay was based at least in part that the classes were a littel less physical. The second class of the evening was simply known as Internal training. I wasn't fully sure what to exepct. What I did notice is that Sensei, Rich, and another student all changed gi tops.

The internal training class was actually quite a relief. Most fo what we covered were breathing techniqued, stances, more breathing, and soft movement, and breathing... I am not sure if we knew this before, but apparently breathing is IMPORTANT! One of the breathing techniques that stodd out to me was alternating nostrils when breathing. This technique is actualyl VERY simple and I would recommend it to anyone. Take a nice easy stance, a high horse stance is actually quite comfortable. Using the thumb of your left hand gently push closed your left nostril and inhale deeply (if you know how to belly breathe this is a GREAT time to do so.) on the exhale exhale through your nose but with your pinky plug the right side of your nose. I was fully expecting to have problems with this technique due to my allergies and general sinus congestion, but ultiamtely I cleared right up. Repeat this 10 time breathing in on the Right side of your nose and out on the left. Then reverse In 10 times on the left, Out 10 times on this right. Wow... what a feeling to NOT have my sinuses crammed full all the time. I wonder if this is going to help with my allergies down the road.

Next in internal training we did a meditation. This time however it was unlike the Zen meditations as this one was done in seiza (kneeling) as opposed to on your rear (not sure of the name just yet). We were asked to close our eyes and visualize a glowing egg of pure light and positive energy on top of our heads. This egg opens and releases a thick goo of warm and healing energy, like a salve upon your soul. Gently is begins to flow down over your body. The ooze works its way down your body taking all the discomfort, pain, ugliness, and to quote sensei the bad crap, and pushes it down though you... slowly...until all of this has been placed to the ground and you are left with light, energy, and well-being. Sensei suggested we do this daily before bed as it will boost our lengevity and well-being through lives... Oddly enough, I belive he might be right. It truly is amazing the power the mind has over the body, positive AND negative.

The interanl Traning class actually seemed to fly by... then... it was tiem for Zen meditation again. I asked if I could help setup and i was quickly instrusted the proper way to place the cushions. The opening of any overs was to go away from the front of the dojo. I am sure this must have something to do with Feng Shui in some way shape or form, but boy I wold be lying if I said I understand all the implications. Now when moving into the space for meditation, I noticed, this time Matt was not at the head of the class but Rich was and Sensei actually mediatated with us. I know there is a name for this position, but I have not yet any idea what it is. The last time if we remember the mediation was broken into three sections. I have to wonder now if that was for my benefit. Tonight however, there was only two, and they seemed interminanbly long.

The first session I was actually pretty well prepared for. I made it the entire time without breaking until I realized my right foot was COMPLETELY numb. Not like pins and needles or just a littel numb.. NOPE. I am talking I could not move my toes, foot, or leg of my own volition. Like it felt like I had a giant rubber leg or that my bones had been removed by a misaimed spell from the Harry Potter books. I will admit, I wans't quite mentally prepared for this... I panicked slightly. As quietly as I could I tried to move to a postion I get a bit of feeling back... Gods I hate fidgeting during meditation.

Interestingly enough, I DID find a couple insights while meditating this time around. I sort of found myself getting lost in thoughts about spirituality and wondering if the devotion to this Zen ideal was going to change my perceptions about religion and spirituality. Well, in some small way it did. I found myself reaffirmed in my beleif that no one religion has all the answers nor probably will. God is found in all of us, IS all of us, but also beyond all of us. The only differences between religions is ultiamtely how we define God or Deity in general. When you get down to it though all religions connect at thier top point. Pagans, Ancient Greeks, Hindus, Romans, Celts, etc belive in multiple Gods or multiple faces of god (depends on definition of course) but in each of thier creation stories relate back to one large entity, Chaos, Kronos (time), The Universe, etc... Is THIS idea God? Chrsitians, Jews, and Muslims, have that larger top force too... God. Where the definition changes is as we move down the ranks. The Hindus have deified actual people they belive are a manifestation of God(at least that is my understanding of it), didn't the Christians do the same thing? Muslims? Bhuddists? ... Only defference is the details of the story and the definition of what God or A God is... this is something for me to ponder more later.

Almost as quickly as it had started meditation was over and it was time to go ask Roshi a question. I asked about the numbness and Sensei smiled...' 25 years I have been doing this and my legs STILL go numb, I am not sur eif you noticed but I limped off the mat. My legs were completely numb and asleep. Its is normal...' WOAH!!! Really??? so I have decided in future meditation I should take the numbness as a blessing instead there could be a lot of pain. We wrapped up the Zen class, cleaned up, and readied to depart. Sensei congratulated me on my first triple class. That always feels nice when someone takes notice... anyhow we conversed a bit. He asked if I had any exciting new projects coming. I made mention of the Red-Haird Orphan and we all had a good chuckle. I also made mention of my new gig for the fall with Bill Blagg the magician. He laughed and said... Wow you're like the Wizards apprectice or something...

I really do like it here. While there is a definite respect of Sensei as teacher, it becomes very apparent, he IS human. I will be intrigued to see how things devlop.

Quick Reflections:

I need to use less energy or use my energy more efficiently.

I need to NOT panic when my foot falls asleep with meditation... its normal.

Religion and Spirtuality are still a VERY cetner focus in my being. I think I need to explore the conenction of the relgigions a littel more in depth. it seems to me I am on to something.

Next time: 'D' picks up a sword and drinks a beer... YUP in the dojo.

Aikido Day 2: D makes a new friend and his name is the Ground

Right now I feel like the whale falling to the ground in 'the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy.' Oooo, look at that, its so big and round, it should have a name... oouuuwww... ooound Ground! Yeah! I wonder if it wants to be friends with me.'

After my first experiences of Zen Meditation, I went home on a VERY high note. I felt free from the previous trifles of the week, and I had this sense that I was starting on a path that would, to go all Star Wars on ya for a second, would forever shape my destiny. Over the weekend I did my best to try and 'sit' as Sensei had suggested. At first I tried this in my computer chair... too comfy and small confession, I fell asleep. So next I grabbed several of the smaller pillows from my couch and I sat on the floor. I did my best to maintain focus, but I will be very honest, it was exceedingly difficult to maintain focus for me outside the context of the dojo. I am sticking to the idea that at least I am trying to sit daily. All things in their own time right? The weekend passed very quickly since I was busy with work. Monday rolled around... Orthodox Jewish High School play... FUN!!! YAY!!! (Please noted the dripping sound in the background, yeah THAT, that's called sarcasm, it gets gooey like gaff tape goo in the hot summer sun). Luckily we were out of rehearsals very early and I quickly found myself at home sitting at my desk wondering what I was going to do with my evening since I had it available... *DING* Lets see what classes are scheduled at Shinjinkai.

Monday: 5:45 - 6:45 Aikido
7:00 - 8:00 Aikido
8:00 - 9:15 Iaido: Mugai Ryu

OOOooo!!! Double Aikido and then I can sit and watch the Iaido class since that is something I have always wanted to study. What a great introduction to my studies. I'll probably be beat by the end, but it'll be worth it. I called Sensei quickly just to make sure I could come to Aikido since at this point I was still not technically a member of Shinjinkai. When I spoke with Sensei Meido, he asked me if I had any feelings about my time on Friday. I relayed very briefly my reflections of my time and that I was excited to maybe come take an Aikido class since that is the main focus of the school. He invited me to come to either of the classes I wished. And then he asked me if I had any time to 'sit' since I was last in the dojo. I admitted I tried valiantly but was having trouble. He just laughed and said, 'I'll see you tonight.'

I decided then I needed some workout clothes so I dropped over to Target right quick and got something suitable for movement. After doing a quick load of laundry, it was time to make my way to the dojo. I hopped the Red Line down to Belmont, Transferred to the Brown heading to Addison and walked my way to the dojo.

When I entered the space I was greeted by several semi-familiar faces that I had seen at the Meditation as well as a plethora of new faces, all very welcoming. Sensei Meido greeted me, shook my hand and invited me to join the other student on the mats. Now here comes a small point... I am not sure again if my observations were accurate, but it seems the people sat themselves according to relative rank. The most senior students were on the far right side of the mat and there was a nice open spot ALL the way to the left end. At this point I had a brief moment of clarity or revelation or... well I don't wholly know what... I just saw my position in the class, realized that I was now the low man on the totem pole. Its a sobering thought to realize one is at the beginning or the bottom once again. I have a long difficult path ahead and one day I desire to be able to rightfully sit further to the right. Again, I have no idea if this is actually the case, but later on I did find a bit of evidence that I was correct in this. As I moved to my position Sensei stopped me and asked me...'So have you been sitting at home?' 'Yessir, I have... well at least have been trying to.' 'uuuh huh, and how's that been going for you?' 'Well... its been rough, I have been trying to dedicate my fifteen minutes a day, but it seems a struggle currently.' 'Well, you know, I tell people fifteen minutes so they'll actually do it, if I tell them 30 minutes somehow it never gets done. So you SHOULD do more if you can.' and he pointed gently to my spot on the mat... so I went.

One thing that is consistently amazing me is the level of discipline of all the students. Everyone was on the mat kneeling well before class started. All very precise with their knees exactly on the prescribed line. All focused at the far wall or with their eyes closed seeming to do breathing exercises.

At the exact moment class was to begin, a senior student move quickly but with a definite deference to the far side of the dojo. There is something going on there that I still have no concept of. The woman who hopped up began to take us through warm-ups. I have to say things moved so fast it was all a blur. What I DID pickup was some VERY familiar exercises... In fact... I think I now understand Chuck's routine far more than I ever did before. If you have ever studied with the man, you know basically the Aikido warmups with Coyle flair.(I hear clearly,'Why do we do this? Because it feels so good when we stop.) Cool, then I am not THAT far behind, maybe I will know more about this than I thought... WRONG!!!!

After warm-ups, Sensei stepped onto the mat. 'Good evening, I am glad to see everyone. We have a new student. This is Dustin. Say Hello. Make him feel welcome and teach him.'

At this point ... I really really really was doing everything I can to NOT draw attention to myself. *sigh* Well... I guess tonight I am the Pink Elephant in the room. Again things happened far too quickly for me to really recount everything. What I do remember is Sensei first thing after we all stood calling over Giatta (I think), a VERY beautiful eastern European woman. Blonde hair, blue eyes, definite Russianesque accent. 'Instruct him how to fall. He has experience so this should be easy for him.' Again, I really am doing everything in my power to not draw attention to myself or my previous training. I am sort of at a point I want to start fresh, a clean slate or canvas on which to paint my new picture... although in some techniques even so soon in, I am noticing that my previous training is a boon and handicap all at the same time. I say this because many of the movements are familiar to me, but Aikido seems to focus on economy of movement and efficiency of energy. Having a concept of how to move across and step into the enemy is working well... my pension for wanting to use my brute force (I am the brute squad) is leading to me finding myself in awkward positions or misstepping... or my muscle memory is trying to change the technique to the Kenpo version that is more direct and use my strength... Boon and Curse.

Back to class... Giatta asked if I knew how to fall... I did to a point. Step back, kneel one knee, sit down butt, roll back onto muscles in back, slap out on the mat, lift legs, brings legs down, roll back up to butt, knee, standing... repeat. and repeat. and repeat. and repeat. and repeat. Up down up down up down... like a bi-polar person off their meds I was up and down, up and down... Suddenly it dawned on me... I can't freaking breathe... *sigh* The thought through my head... 'D' you're fat, lazy, and out of shape... but that's why we're here right? And fall... and fall... HUFF HUFF WHEEZE. 'Do you need a break, you can sit down if you want to.' Nope! I don't believe in it, but thank you.

After falling a number of times that can only described in irrational numbers like the number of digits in PI or the number i or e... I suddenly had a new teacher without even realizing what had happened. This time a very slender man, several inches shorter than I was teaching me. This was the same person that led the meditations the Friday before... I wish now I could remember his name. We were working on two techniques simultaniously. Sadly, I couldn't tell you the name of the technique. I do know that both techniques are meant to defend from an incoming punch to the stomach. Version one, simply redirect the punch ever so slightly as you step out of line, push your hand under then chin while stepping in. This pushes the opponent back and off balance. The second version, redirect the punch and step in as before but grasp the offending hand while stepping in and change direction pulling the opponent 90 degrees around and then some other movements that summarily twist your opponent in an uncomfortable position. My Kenpo self was then itching to kick to the head or break a bone or something...

As I worked these techniques I began to try and intellectualize. I asked if this was supposed to be more of a hip toss...etc. The only response, lets just do the technique for now. After having several punches directed at me and messing up the technique several time it was my turn to punch...

I was asked to do the same movement without the full technique ... Errrr???? Sempi grabbed my fist and placed it on his belly. 'You have to enter my space...otherwise it doesn't work' ???? Then suddenly it was like I got struck by lighting... I am throwing fraking stage combat punches. Off line... sure not to hurt anyone. HA!!! I redirected my next punch, perfectly on line with his solar plexus and... FLASH OF LIGHT THROUGH MY BRAIN!!!! I somehow was on my back.... again. (Enter Jakes voice here...D, you ignorant slut, when you're on your back the meter's running.)

This punishment seemed to go on for an eternity... I did have a minor moment of revelatio though through the haze of endorphins, sweat, and vertigo. There came a moment went things went slightly hazy while i was working the two basic techniques. When i went into soft focus and I began to react more instinctually, suddenly the technique made perfect sense and I was easy able to combine the steps into a fluid motion. This is something I must ponder more. I wonder if it is like acting where they are always saying.. Get out of your head, or maybe like dance? I know often I have observed dancers 'stuck in thier head' where the movements while not bad or wrong, seem slightly jerky or less fluid... and then i have also seen dancer get out of thier had after struggling and turning a jerky set of steps into a beauitful movement through time and space. Am I getting in my own way?

Just as suddenly as it had begun... class was over. We bowed, walked off the mat... as I was leaving the mat to towel off Sensei says to me,'Some of our newer members experience some slight discomfort, enjoy that tomorrow. It's our gift to you.' I laughed... I also didn't realize precisely what he meant by '''''discomfort'''''.

Sensei also then invited me to come sit at his desk and speak with him for a moment. 'How did it go?,' he asks. Well, it was tough. I have ALOT of work to do, but it feels good to move again. He smiled. For a few moments we talk about random topics, he asked what I do for a living. I told him I am lighting designer. He smiled, oh I have another lighting guy here... RICH come here for a second. From the mat comes a slender man. Rich this is Dustin he does lights too, you two should talk some. Who am I to question Sensei? So we had a brief intro but I felt awful as I was keeping him from the second class. I asked Sensei, what's next? I signed my agreement... and now I am officially a member of Shinjinkai. Is it wrong that I am so excited to go have the snot beat out of me several times a week?

See now comes the point where people might ask, so 'D' did you stay for all three classes?... Well... No. I decided that discretion was the better part of valor and opted to go rest my muscles. to be honest, I was so light headed and a little woozey that I think a second round would have made me pass out. Now... I again had a brief moment of discovery. Walking up the stairs to the 'L' was... well... a challenge. My legs didn't want to move. Sitting, then getting back up to get off the train... all... very interesting, even challenging. And ya know what, I felt freaking amazing and I slept like the dead.

So that was my second adventure to Shinjinkai. I find myself looking on that first full day of Aikido as an experience I will remember forever. Now to take a moment for reflection... What did I learn?

Well, I learned that in AIkido you spend a fair amount of time on your back, on the ground, or being twisted into a very uncomfortable position. When I stop thinking about it I do techniques much more efficiently. I also learned Sensei has a subtle and sick sense of humor. I also realized in full how far I have let myself go the past number of years. This is something I need to change... No. This is something I AM changing. At the moment, I am trying (with moderate success) to follow Sensei instructions and suggestion about meditating daily and also changing my diet to a more vegetarian intake. One step at a time. A wolf that doesn't eat meat? That just doesn't seem right. Oh I also realized...'discomfort' that word he keeps saying it, I do not think it means what Sensei thinks it means.

All in all... Day two was a good day.

OPAHEY!!!!