Aikido Day 4: Beer and Katanas a happy Dustin make.

Well I made it though my first week of Aikido training. This is no small feat for a man who finds himself a bit out of shape of body and mind. I do feel a bit of pride in making it so far. This week I ordered my dogi (aka 'gi') and it should arrive here in the next couple of days. I know it comes with a white belt of its own, but I have to ask Sensei if I can use my old Obi from prior trainings. I know this may sound off or odd but I feel there is enough energy stored in there from old times that might be helpful in my future, but then again when I look back at the times when I was last traning, I also wonder if there might be some old things I might not want to bring with me on this chapter of my journey... I shall think on this later.

This week I sadly found myself not able to get to the dojo when I woul dhave liked because of shows and rehearsals (aaaaahhhhh the theatre life), Finally though I was able to free up my Weds Night and get into class. As I stepped into the dojo i was greeted by several now familiar faces which is always pleasent. I quickly changed and headed to my spot on the mat. Warmups went just a little bit easier this time around... progress? There are two parts of the warm-ups I am struggling with a bit... one... what I we used to call in wrestling the duck walk. This particular exercise you start from your knees and walk about the space never leaving the ground but extending your legs as fully as you can. My knees, yeah they REALLY aren't a fan of this, but I press on. I am holding to my old wrestling addage 'Pain is just weakness leaving the body.' The second part I am having troubles with is where we roll back and try to touch our toes to the ground behind us... This is a trifle embarassing, but this actually REALLY doesn't go well for me. I get stuck not being able to breathe. I am pretty sure its because I have a belly. Now all things in their own time, but this is really beginning to be motivation for me to cut weight.

Class was interesting this time for me. First techniques we worked was something we worked the first day with a minor change. Cool!!! Sensei told us to go work with partners... There was an odd number of students... so I was all alone. Matt grabbed me and another student and we worked in threes. I also worked with Chris another black belt in this manner. The next technique we were shown was familiar to me from Kenpo. It was a simple block to the side while stepping in. The block itself turn into a punch as Sensei says, 'to give them a littel something to think about.' and then you follow in with a deep strike to the stomach. This was the first technique I actually felt completely comfortable with. COOL!!! Now this time Enmei Sensei grabbed me and one of the ladies in the class. I THINK her name was Christine, but I cannot be sure. What DID stand out about her is she is a dead ringer for my sister in about 5 to 8 years. Enmei and she worked, then Enmei stepped aside. I attacked Christine she stepped to the side and blocked and POP!!! Yes. She DID give me a bit to think about.  Straight to the kisser.  It was a very light pop to the mouth but just enough to wake me up. She felt awful and apologized up and down. I just laughed and tried to assure her that she won't break me THAT easily. After that moment she was slightly more timid in her technique which made me sad actually. While I appreciate the gentleness that is the norm in this dojo, I DO miss getting popped in the kisser every now and again. Makes one feel alive and reminds them there IS danger in what we are doing.  Part of me also really misses sparring something fierce.  I dunno, maybe I miss the danger, the battle of two people, or the test of my abilities... or maybe sparring is a huge ego stroke for me on occasion...

After repeating the technique back and fourth some Sensei stops us and clarifies a few finer points of the technique. The one big thing he comments on is hip movement. 'This is not winding up with all of your hips as is common in many contemporary Chinese and mixed arts...' I have to think that comment was directed at me. The things is when I checked in with myself while doing the technique I was indeed coiling my hips. Old habits die hard.  The thing is, this technique lends itself really well to and setups perfectly a large power shot since you are breaking inside their defense and opening up their belly. I shall endeavour to repeat Sensei's wishes though. I am guessing there is a reason to not setup for the power, but I am not sure what it is right now.

Class moved very quickly... then I stayed. Tonight was to be my first weapons class. I asked Matt briefly if I was allowed to stay. I know many schools do not allow weapons training until a certain rank. Nope, everyone is welcome to take part. AWESOME!!!! I was given brief instruction in respect to the weapon, the space, and teacher. I DID feel in a bit over my head at several points during the class but everyone was VERY patient with me. Weapons class was not taught by Sensei Meido however. It was taught by Sensei Enmei. I have to say it was quite refreshing to have a different teacher with some different energy. For the most part we worked one technique the whole class. Much to my chagrin and against my best efforts, I must have been showing some form of frustration as it was said to me many times, this is a very advanced technique, don't worry, you're doing very well.' I am never sure what to think of those sorts of comments. I am always concerned people are just ego stoking me to keep me going, but then again, this technique requires setting the opponent up with a feint, letting them attack and beating their time to cut directly at their hands... Simpe enough right... Well except for the fact that as Uke (the agressor normally, but in this the oppoenent of the technique) if you do not react in time you end up getting a lovely wrapping as is someone is tapping not so gently on your chamber door.  You would think after one shot to the top of my thumb, I would learn to react quicker.  NOPE.  I think I might like pain or something.  CRACK!  Again  CRACK!  DAMMIT Again... CRACK.  Well needless to say the top of my right thumb knuckle is bruised all to hell and feels a bit stiff.  Live and Learn I guess.  I think my biggest struggle with this Bokken style is doing everything right handed.  I am so fraking left handed it is sort of insane.  Although it I think is a good thing since it means I have to basically learn from the beginning and can break any bad habits I might have picked up... or so one would think. One correction I had consistently in this class... my sword point was grabbed and moved directly over my opponents head. THIS GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER LEARNED IN STAGE COMABT!!!! Wait... what?? Oh this isn't stage combat anymore? Ohhhhh... its the real deal? I see. Yeah, stage combat training strikes again and again and again.  AIM AT THE PERSON 'D' they are trying to kill you.  After class Enmei apologized to me several times saying she should have given me more of a tutorial on stances and things. I assured her I was okay and trying to pick up as fast as I can. After putting away my Bokken, there was a genral request for people to stay and help clean as well as unpack some stuff for Sesshin ... Sesshin I found out later in the night is a sort of Zen meditative retreat where you end up meditating for something like 14+ hours a day and EVERYTHING is ritualized... including eating. I am not ready for this. In taking stuff down, Sensei Meido puts out a case of beer. I went to grab it and put it with all the other things.. 'No,' Sensei says smiling to me,' Take One if you like.' WAIT WHAT???? THERE'S BEER HERE???!!!!!!!! YES!!!!! 'One thing about Japanese martial Artist is they tend to drink... A LOT... Here we don't drink ALOT, but we DO drink. Enjoy.' So we all finished the chores at hand, cracked our beers and sat on the mat for a while. I have to say it was pretty awesome getting to know my dojo brothers and sisters a bit while knocking back a cold one.  I made a joke that wasn't well recieved... I should have know, puns are NOT for everyone.  Enmei said as she finally plopped down on the mat, I am so not sitting Seiza(kneeling as if ready to meditate).  I responded, nope, you're sitting Cervaza.  Hey I thought it was funny.  Oh well, I guess it takes a special crowd to get my humor.  After Weds night, I REALLY am starting to like it here. Yeah the beer is cool and all but really I am loving that so many people will just sit and BS after class and share something.  I think Meido was right on the website saying that in today's electronic age we are so used to being disconnected and distanced from everyone and in the dojo you HAVE to have intimate contact with your partners.  Shared experiences like this form a bond that is rare to find in any context in today's world. It is one of those moments in my life that I see a common bond between people and warm my heart and soul on a unique level. I really can't wait to go to class again... the only problem, my grandiose plans for class over the weekend were dashed apparently when Sesshin is happening all the regular classes are canceled. That's okay, it will let me focus on work anyway...

Two things I learned very specifically about weapons training. Keep the tip pointed to the back of the class room. And when bowing to a partner on your knees place the sword to your sword and not in front of you. Apparently to the front symbolizes your willingness and readiness to draw you weapon. Not what we want for friendly training exercises.

My quick reflections on this class... I might want to try and unlearn my Kenpo AND my stage combat training. While many of the fundamentals remain I wonder if my pension for big winding movements of my hips for power and my inability to actually aim AT my opponent are going to hurt me in the long run.  I wonder if it is necessary to unlearn it but maybe try to adjust it to fit this form.  The hardest part is going to be the stage combat. I think I may ask this of Roshi next time I am at meditation.

Until next time...

Aikido Day 3: Triple Threat

So as one may or may not be able to tell from my last adventure. That workout is kicking my ass. I think I made the wise desicion in not pushing myself too far and trying to pull off a second Aikido class Monday night. Getting home from the dojo after not working out for quite some time was an interesting experience to say the least. I have strong legs. I grew up playing soccer and have always been proud of how well built and strong my lower half is, but apparently, there is this little tiny muscle on the inside of my knee that even in former training I had NEVER used before. How do I know this? The 'discomfort' Sensei spoke of was centered RIGHT THERE. Interesting to say the least. After a bit of stumbling and fumbling around, I made it home and into bed. I am pretty sure I have not slept that hard in YEARS!!! I felt great the next day... okay let me rephrase, emotionally and spiritually I felt great. Physically... there was well yes... discomfort. I could barely stand up because my legs rebelled at the very idea of supporting my mass. *sigh*

The next few days were a challenge at work since walking up and down stairs is not my freind. I had origionally intened to go back to the dojo for Wedsnesday night so I could maybe get my first weapons class. But as luck would have it Weds rolled around and I had to make a choice. I opted to stay home and let myself further recouperate a littel more.

On my days off I DID however try and get my 15 minutes of sitting in, with moderate success. I really think I should try and push myself in that direction as well as going to classes.

Because of working on Orothodox Jewish Girl School plays such the one about the Orphan with the red hair(thats RIGHT I refuse to name the show forever more), I found myself with another Friday NIght to myself. BRILLIANT!

I did some some quick laundry and found myself to the dojo. I arrived quite a bit early and tried stretched a bit in attempt to fend off the sore muscles. This time... I went through the majority of the warmups with no additional instruction... right up until the point where we started to roll. Sensei asked one of the other students to give me a quick tutorial on rolling. Surpisingly enough.. I actually knew how to roll rather effectively, on my right side. For some reason when I rolled on my left I had a small issue. When I say small issue I mean I somehow drove my shoulder straight into the mat... OWWWWW!!!! This was also the shoulder a couple of months ago decided to start to dislocate while working on a call at Steppenwolff... again... OWWW!!! The student, whose name I really cannto remember showed me where I went wrong, I didn't quite tuck enough... I will never do THAT again. All in all things went fairly well, I made it through the warmups... still widned, but a littel less winded than I was the last time... You know each time I get a littel further in a workout or class without hurting, breathing hard, or being exhausted, an Avett brothers song begins to play in my head, 'Maybe I don't have to be good, but I can try to be at least a little bit better than I've been so far...' One thing I am focusing on Matt's suggestion is slowing down my breathing and learning to conserve energy. I am used to doing everything with such force that I end up using most of my energy early in class... This has been mentioned to me more than once now... My how old haibts die hard.

Looking back I can barely remember the techniques we learned that night. Things in these classes move VERY quickly so I feel a littel bit at a loss. I know ulitamtely we will come back to things, but I also know now that things are no longer slowing down because of 'the new guy.' which brings me some solace. Class seemed like it ended VERY quickly. Now where I had beaten feet before second and third classes... tonight I was determined to stay a little bit longer. Now I will openly admit that my choice to stay was based at least in part that the classes were a littel less physical. The second class of the evening was simply known as Internal training. I wasn't fully sure what to exepct. What I did notice is that Sensei, Rich, and another student all changed gi tops.

The internal training class was actually quite a relief. Most fo what we covered were breathing techniqued, stances, more breathing, and soft movement, and breathing... I am not sure if we knew this before, but apparently breathing is IMPORTANT! One of the breathing techniques that stodd out to me was alternating nostrils when breathing. This technique is actualyl VERY simple and I would recommend it to anyone. Take a nice easy stance, a high horse stance is actually quite comfortable. Using the thumb of your left hand gently push closed your left nostril and inhale deeply (if you know how to belly breathe this is a GREAT time to do so.) on the exhale exhale through your nose but with your pinky plug the right side of your nose. I was fully expecting to have problems with this technique due to my allergies and general sinus congestion, but ultiamtely I cleared right up. Repeat this 10 time breathing in on the Right side of your nose and out on the left. Then reverse In 10 times on the left, Out 10 times on this right. Wow... what a feeling to NOT have my sinuses crammed full all the time. I wonder if this is going to help with my allergies down the road.

Next in internal training we did a meditation. This time however it was unlike the Zen meditations as this one was done in seiza (kneeling) as opposed to on your rear (not sure of the name just yet). We were asked to close our eyes and visualize a glowing egg of pure light and positive energy on top of our heads. This egg opens and releases a thick goo of warm and healing energy, like a salve upon your soul. Gently is begins to flow down over your body. The ooze works its way down your body taking all the discomfort, pain, ugliness, and to quote sensei the bad crap, and pushes it down though you... slowly...until all of this has been placed to the ground and you are left with light, energy, and well-being. Sensei suggested we do this daily before bed as it will boost our lengevity and well-being through lives... Oddly enough, I belive he might be right. It truly is amazing the power the mind has over the body, positive AND negative.

The interanl Traning class actually seemed to fly by... then... it was tiem for Zen meditation again. I asked if I could help setup and i was quickly instrusted the proper way to place the cushions. The opening of any overs was to go away from the front of the dojo. I am sure this must have something to do with Feng Shui in some way shape or form, but boy I wold be lying if I said I understand all the implications. Now when moving into the space for meditation, I noticed, this time Matt was not at the head of the class but Rich was and Sensei actually mediatated with us. I know there is a name for this position, but I have not yet any idea what it is. The last time if we remember the mediation was broken into three sections. I have to wonder now if that was for my benefit. Tonight however, there was only two, and they seemed interminanbly long.

The first session I was actually pretty well prepared for. I made it the entire time without breaking until I realized my right foot was COMPLETELY numb. Not like pins and needles or just a littel numb.. NOPE. I am talking I could not move my toes, foot, or leg of my own volition. Like it felt like I had a giant rubber leg or that my bones had been removed by a misaimed spell from the Harry Potter books. I will admit, I wans't quite mentally prepared for this... I panicked slightly. As quietly as I could I tried to move to a postion I get a bit of feeling back... Gods I hate fidgeting during meditation.

Interestingly enough, I DID find a couple insights while meditating this time around. I sort of found myself getting lost in thoughts about spirituality and wondering if the devotion to this Zen ideal was going to change my perceptions about religion and spirituality. Well, in some small way it did. I found myself reaffirmed in my beleif that no one religion has all the answers nor probably will. God is found in all of us, IS all of us, but also beyond all of us. The only differences between religions is ultiamtely how we define God or Deity in general. When you get down to it though all religions connect at thier top point. Pagans, Ancient Greeks, Hindus, Romans, Celts, etc belive in multiple Gods or multiple faces of god (depends on definition of course) but in each of thier creation stories relate back to one large entity, Chaos, Kronos (time), The Universe, etc... Is THIS idea God? Chrsitians, Jews, and Muslims, have that larger top force too... God. Where the definition changes is as we move down the ranks. The Hindus have deified actual people they belive are a manifestation of God(at least that is my understanding of it), didn't the Christians do the same thing? Muslims? Bhuddists? ... Only defference is the details of the story and the definition of what God or A God is... this is something for me to ponder more later.

Almost as quickly as it had started meditation was over and it was time to go ask Roshi a question. I asked about the numbness and Sensei smiled...' 25 years I have been doing this and my legs STILL go numb, I am not sur eif you noticed but I limped off the mat. My legs were completely numb and asleep. Its is normal...' WOAH!!! Really??? so I have decided in future meditation I should take the numbness as a blessing instead there could be a lot of pain. We wrapped up the Zen class, cleaned up, and readied to depart. Sensei congratulated me on my first triple class. That always feels nice when someone takes notice... anyhow we conversed a bit. He asked if I had any exciting new projects coming. I made mention of the Red-Haird Orphan and we all had a good chuckle. I also made mention of my new gig for the fall with Bill Blagg the magician. He laughed and said... Wow you're like the Wizards apprectice or something...

I really do like it here. While there is a definite respect of Sensei as teacher, it becomes very apparent, he IS human. I will be intrigued to see how things devlop.

Quick Reflections:

I need to use less energy or use my energy more efficiently.

I need to NOT panic when my foot falls asleep with meditation... its normal.

Religion and Spirtuality are still a VERY cetner focus in my being. I think I need to explore the conenction of the relgigions a littel more in depth. it seems to me I am on to something.

Next time: 'D' picks up a sword and drinks a beer... YUP in the dojo.

Aikido Day 2: D makes a new friend and his name is the Ground

Right now I feel like the whale falling to the ground in 'the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy.' Oooo, look at that, its so big and round, it should have a name... oouuuwww... ooound Ground! Yeah! I wonder if it wants to be friends with me.'

After my first experiences of Zen Meditation, I went home on a VERY high note. I felt free from the previous trifles of the week, and I had this sense that I was starting on a path that would, to go all Star Wars on ya for a second, would forever shape my destiny. Over the weekend I did my best to try and 'sit' as Sensei had suggested. At first I tried this in my computer chair... too comfy and small confession, I fell asleep. So next I grabbed several of the smaller pillows from my couch and I sat on the floor. I did my best to maintain focus, but I will be very honest, it was exceedingly difficult to maintain focus for me outside the context of the dojo. I am sticking to the idea that at least I am trying to sit daily. All things in their own time right? The weekend passed very quickly since I was busy with work. Monday rolled around... Orthodox Jewish High School play... FUN!!! YAY!!! (Please noted the dripping sound in the background, yeah THAT, that's called sarcasm, it gets gooey like gaff tape goo in the hot summer sun). Luckily we were out of rehearsals very early and I quickly found myself at home sitting at my desk wondering what I was going to do with my evening since I had it available... *DING* Lets see what classes are scheduled at Shinjinkai.

Monday: 5:45 - 6:45 Aikido
7:00 - 8:00 Aikido
8:00 - 9:15 Iaido: Mugai Ryu

OOOooo!!! Double Aikido and then I can sit and watch the Iaido class since that is something I have always wanted to study. What a great introduction to my studies. I'll probably be beat by the end, but it'll be worth it. I called Sensei quickly just to make sure I could come to Aikido since at this point I was still not technically a member of Shinjinkai. When I spoke with Sensei Meido, he asked me if I had any feelings about my time on Friday. I relayed very briefly my reflections of my time and that I was excited to maybe come take an Aikido class since that is the main focus of the school. He invited me to come to either of the classes I wished. And then he asked me if I had any time to 'sit' since I was last in the dojo. I admitted I tried valiantly but was having trouble. He just laughed and said, 'I'll see you tonight.'

I decided then I needed some workout clothes so I dropped over to Target right quick and got something suitable for movement. After doing a quick load of laundry, it was time to make my way to the dojo. I hopped the Red Line down to Belmont, Transferred to the Brown heading to Addison and walked my way to the dojo.

When I entered the space I was greeted by several semi-familiar faces that I had seen at the Meditation as well as a plethora of new faces, all very welcoming. Sensei Meido greeted me, shook my hand and invited me to join the other student on the mats. Now here comes a small point... I am not sure again if my observations were accurate, but it seems the people sat themselves according to relative rank. The most senior students were on the far right side of the mat and there was a nice open spot ALL the way to the left end. At this point I had a brief moment of clarity or revelation or... well I don't wholly know what... I just saw my position in the class, realized that I was now the low man on the totem pole. Its a sobering thought to realize one is at the beginning or the bottom once again. I have a long difficult path ahead and one day I desire to be able to rightfully sit further to the right. Again, I have no idea if this is actually the case, but later on I did find a bit of evidence that I was correct in this. As I moved to my position Sensei stopped me and asked me...'So have you been sitting at home?' 'Yessir, I have... well at least have been trying to.' 'uuuh huh, and how's that been going for you?' 'Well... its been rough, I have been trying to dedicate my fifteen minutes a day, but it seems a struggle currently.' 'Well, you know, I tell people fifteen minutes so they'll actually do it, if I tell them 30 minutes somehow it never gets done. So you SHOULD do more if you can.' and he pointed gently to my spot on the mat... so I went.

One thing that is consistently amazing me is the level of discipline of all the students. Everyone was on the mat kneeling well before class started. All very precise with their knees exactly on the prescribed line. All focused at the far wall or with their eyes closed seeming to do breathing exercises.

At the exact moment class was to begin, a senior student move quickly but with a definite deference to the far side of the dojo. There is something going on there that I still have no concept of. The woman who hopped up began to take us through warm-ups. I have to say things moved so fast it was all a blur. What I DID pickup was some VERY familiar exercises... In fact... I think I now understand Chuck's routine far more than I ever did before. If you have ever studied with the man, you know basically the Aikido warmups with Coyle flair.(I hear clearly,'Why do we do this? Because it feels so good when we stop.) Cool, then I am not THAT far behind, maybe I will know more about this than I thought... WRONG!!!!

After warm-ups, Sensei stepped onto the mat. 'Good evening, I am glad to see everyone. We have a new student. This is Dustin. Say Hello. Make him feel welcome and teach him.'

At this point ... I really really really was doing everything I can to NOT draw attention to myself. *sigh* Well... I guess tonight I am the Pink Elephant in the room. Again things happened far too quickly for me to really recount everything. What I do remember is Sensei first thing after we all stood calling over Giatta (I think), a VERY beautiful eastern European woman. Blonde hair, blue eyes, definite Russianesque accent. 'Instruct him how to fall. He has experience so this should be easy for him.' Again, I really am doing everything in my power to not draw attention to myself or my previous training. I am sort of at a point I want to start fresh, a clean slate or canvas on which to paint my new picture... although in some techniques even so soon in, I am noticing that my previous training is a boon and handicap all at the same time. I say this because many of the movements are familiar to me, but Aikido seems to focus on economy of movement and efficiency of energy. Having a concept of how to move across and step into the enemy is working well... my pension for wanting to use my brute force (I am the brute squad) is leading to me finding myself in awkward positions or misstepping... or my muscle memory is trying to change the technique to the Kenpo version that is more direct and use my strength... Boon and Curse.

Back to class... Giatta asked if I knew how to fall... I did to a point. Step back, kneel one knee, sit down butt, roll back onto muscles in back, slap out on the mat, lift legs, brings legs down, roll back up to butt, knee, standing... repeat. and repeat. and repeat. and repeat. and repeat. Up down up down up down... like a bi-polar person off their meds I was up and down, up and down... Suddenly it dawned on me... I can't freaking breathe... *sigh* The thought through my head... 'D' you're fat, lazy, and out of shape... but that's why we're here right? And fall... and fall... HUFF HUFF WHEEZE. 'Do you need a break, you can sit down if you want to.' Nope! I don't believe in it, but thank you.

After falling a number of times that can only described in irrational numbers like the number of digits in PI or the number i or e... I suddenly had a new teacher without even realizing what had happened. This time a very slender man, several inches shorter than I was teaching me. This was the same person that led the meditations the Friday before... I wish now I could remember his name. We were working on two techniques simultaniously. Sadly, I couldn't tell you the name of the technique. I do know that both techniques are meant to defend from an incoming punch to the stomach. Version one, simply redirect the punch ever so slightly as you step out of line, push your hand under then chin while stepping in. This pushes the opponent back and off balance. The second version, redirect the punch and step in as before but grasp the offending hand while stepping in and change direction pulling the opponent 90 degrees around and then some other movements that summarily twist your opponent in an uncomfortable position. My Kenpo self was then itching to kick to the head or break a bone or something...

As I worked these techniques I began to try and intellectualize. I asked if this was supposed to be more of a hip toss...etc. The only response, lets just do the technique for now. After having several punches directed at me and messing up the technique several time it was my turn to punch...

I was asked to do the same movement without the full technique ... Errrr???? Sempi grabbed my fist and placed it on his belly. 'You have to enter my space...otherwise it doesn't work' ???? Then suddenly it was like I got struck by lighting... I am throwing fraking stage combat punches. Off line... sure not to hurt anyone. HA!!! I redirected my next punch, perfectly on line with his solar plexus and... FLASH OF LIGHT THROUGH MY BRAIN!!!! I somehow was on my back.... again. (Enter Jakes voice here...D, you ignorant slut, when you're on your back the meter's running.)

This punishment seemed to go on for an eternity... I did have a minor moment of revelatio though through the haze of endorphins, sweat, and vertigo. There came a moment went things went slightly hazy while i was working the two basic techniques. When i went into soft focus and I began to react more instinctually, suddenly the technique made perfect sense and I was easy able to combine the steps into a fluid motion. This is something I must ponder more. I wonder if it is like acting where they are always saying.. Get out of your head, or maybe like dance? I know often I have observed dancers 'stuck in thier head' where the movements while not bad or wrong, seem slightly jerky or less fluid... and then i have also seen dancer get out of thier had after struggling and turning a jerky set of steps into a beauitful movement through time and space. Am I getting in my own way?

Just as suddenly as it had begun... class was over. We bowed, walked off the mat... as I was leaving the mat to towel off Sensei says to me,'Some of our newer members experience some slight discomfort, enjoy that tomorrow. It's our gift to you.' I laughed... I also didn't realize precisely what he meant by '''''discomfort'''''.

Sensei also then invited me to come sit at his desk and speak with him for a moment. 'How did it go?,' he asks. Well, it was tough. I have ALOT of work to do, but it feels good to move again. He smiled. For a few moments we talk about random topics, he asked what I do for a living. I told him I am lighting designer. He smiled, oh I have another lighting guy here... RICH come here for a second. From the mat comes a slender man. Rich this is Dustin he does lights too, you two should talk some. Who am I to question Sensei? So we had a brief intro but I felt awful as I was keeping him from the second class. I asked Sensei, what's next? I signed my agreement... and now I am officially a member of Shinjinkai. Is it wrong that I am so excited to go have the snot beat out of me several times a week?

See now comes the point where people might ask, so 'D' did you stay for all three classes?... Well... No. I decided that discretion was the better part of valor and opted to go rest my muscles. to be honest, I was so light headed and a little woozey that I think a second round would have made me pass out. Now... I again had a brief moment of discovery. Walking up the stairs to the 'L' was... well... a challenge. My legs didn't want to move. Sitting, then getting back up to get off the train... all... very interesting, even challenging. And ya know what, I felt freaking amazing and I slept like the dead.

So that was my second adventure to Shinjinkai. I find myself looking on that first full day of Aikido as an experience I will remember forever. Now to take a moment for reflection... What did I learn?

Well, I learned that in AIkido you spend a fair amount of time on your back, on the ground, or being twisted into a very uncomfortable position. When I stop thinking about it I do techniques much more efficiently. I also learned Sensei has a subtle and sick sense of humor. I also realized in full how far I have let myself go the past number of years. This is something I need to change... No. This is something I AM changing. At the moment, I am trying (with moderate success) to follow Sensei instructions and suggestion about meditating daily and also changing my diet to a more vegetarian intake. One step at a time. A wolf that doesn't eat meat? That just doesn't seem right. Oh I also realized...'discomfort' that word he keeps saying it, I do not think it means what Sensei thinks it means.

All in all... Day two was a good day.

OPAHEY!!!!

Aikido Day 1: Each new journey starts with a single step.

Please Pardon my recapping of events from the last week, I think I decided to start this blog a little late, so things may feel a bit disjointed until I get caught up in my own brain. Anyhow...

Friday, late afternoon after speaking with Sensei Meido, I decided to head to Shinjinkai to observe a couple of classes and take part in the en meditation introduction. I figured it can't hurt to try all the bits and pieces of this new system before I dive in headlong. The time came when I need to head out and get myself to the dojo. I was full of energy, my tail wagging, and I was soaring as I prepared myself to go. I know it may seem mundane, but I took a bath in a very ritualistic way that I have been for many years to try and rid myself of old 'energies' and I don't know, maybe to try and help me break old cycles and move onto a new groove of my record.

I bustled about the house put on my coat turned to go grab my phone and a water bottled and... CRACK!!!!! A white flash in my minds eye and I found myself lying on the ground in my apartment with a very familiar pain shrieking from my ankle.

REALLY, 'D'? REALLY!!!!??? You sprain your freaking ankle right before you head off to your new path??? Son... of a... *sigh* I let the pain rush through me as I knew there was no fighting it. I actually felt the bones on the side of my ankle touch the floor, so this was a bad one. So bad in fact that over a week later I am STILL hurting from it. *sigh* Finally the pain seemed to be at its peak and starting to subside. I took several deep breaths, while cursing myself for not paying attention to my feet. I KNOW BETTER. Every fraking time I stop paying attention to what my feet are doing I roll my stupid ankle.

After a number of deep breaths and trying to fight the pain I had a choice to make. Do I call it off and rest my ankle until I am strong enough to go again? Or... do I man up, banish the pain, and press on. I decided NOTHING was going to stop me from this new path. So I pushed the pain down deep, stood up, took the stairs down to the ground floor and found myself to the 'L'. To get to Shinjinkai, I need to take the Red Line down to Belmont and then hop onto the Brown Line headed the other way and get off at Addison.

While I stood on the Belmont platform waiting for the Brown Line the universe decided to reward me for my efforts. There was an amazing sunset. Full of color, vibrant, almost like a painting in the sky with the soft edges of the clouds like brush strokes from hand of the creator. Now I know most people would not put any meaning to this save, 'Oh hey, look at the pretty sunset.' I truly felt as though I was being guided and rewarded for finding my truth path once again. I will save the philosophical musings for the time being, but I cannot deny how well everything fell into place after the painful bit. Funny how that happens isn't it? To quote the Grateful Dead,'Sometimes you get shown the Light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.'

As I rode the Brown Line headed back North I start to get nervous, excited, and even a little light headed as all the possibilities swirled in front of me. I sadly, mistimed my travel so I was late for the Aikido class. BOO!!! I think ultimately it was for the best as with a fresh injury I was not going to be able to participate well in a physical activity. I found the building, walked into the foyer, took off my shoes, and entered the dojo proper.

My first impressions of the dojo... There was a slight linger of incense on the air. Very faint almost imperceptible. Two large pillars of wood created the feel of an sacred space against the off white of the mats. The back wall on the 'stage right' side stood racks of Jo(Short staves), Bokken(Wooden Katans), Shinais(Bamboo Swords meant to be used in Kendo), and Tanto (Knives). At the bottom of the weapons rack sit several large items that I am not sure the purpose of that looked much like clubs. I am assuming these are for strength training or speed traning or some such, I suppose I will find out in due time. The other end of the wall are several paintings and a wooden wall sculpture. there are also calligraphy painting of things I do not yet understand. All things in due time. The student all dressed in white Gi's knelt very precisely on a line while Sensei dressed in a white gi with a black hakama instructed very firmly. I tried to enter the space as quietly and as imperceptably as I could. I was almost successful. It seemed that one of the senior students turned and shot a look at me. I found myself to the closest bench. Then I sat quietly and observed. I watched the AIkido class as well as the Internal Training class as I thought it would be rude to jump in without being invited.

That first hour or so of observation I picked up as much as I could in the way students respond to sensei, and tried to get a feel for how i should expect to react and move once I take to the space. After those two classes sensei came to greet me. He shook my hand and welcomed me heartily. The thing I picked up about Sensei first off was this very profound sense of harmony with his enviroment that covered something underneath that you could only see in his eyes. After welcoming me he called on of the obviously senior students over and instructed him to give me a brief introduction to meditation.

Now begins the real meat of my tale. While I was making introductions there was a bustle about the dojo. The students all moved very swiftly to change the dojo space over to a Zen Bhuddist temple. I have to say, I think most show crews would be jealous at how efficiently everyone moved. If we could all adopt the devotion and commitment to efficiency these students have our show changeovers would be a snap. I think I shall hold that thought for a while.

My quick instructions were to approach the mat, grab four small cushions and hold them under my right arm, put my palms together in front of me as though I was to pray. I bowed once as I stepped onto the mat and the senior student guided me to the cushions closest to him and invited me to sit. By the time I arrived in my seat the other 4 students that were to take part in the meditation were already seated with their legs folded under and assuming to proper meditation position.

I was given some very simple instructions. First how to fold my legs properly. Ouch. Dustin's knees are NOT a fan of this. Sempi (for a lack of a better name right now) grinned and assured me that it would get easier over time. The way to sit is much like 'Indian Style' that we all learned in grade school except your left foot touches your groin and your knee is flat on the ground and your right left folds in as tights as possible. I noticed the more advanced student actually put their right foot up on their left knee. I am NOT that flexible currently. He said its okay. The next bit of instruction I was give was about posture. I will tell you I have had this EXACT instruction from many teachers including acting teachers, movement teachers, etc. Pretend there is a small hook on the top center of your head and there is a string attached to it and pulling straight up. Yeah... first revelation of this training... My posture SUCKS! I was told VERY clearly, this will be uncomfortable. That discomfort may lessen over time but will not go away completely and I should use that. I should use and direct that tension, that uncomfortablilty, any issues from the day, and anything else I have to focus my intention on the meditation itself. Use this. I will tell you I felt very much like I was in an acting class again.

Sempi then instructed me in belly breathing (i sort of already knew this, but it is always good to be reminded) and then about my first meditative technique. For this technique, you want to breath slowly (if I were doing musical counts it was 4 counts in 4 counts out) and count. Each breath is to be one long count. If you get to 10 then your start back at 1. Repeat. Sounds simple enough, right? HA! Here's the kicker. Sempei says, when your thoughts start to drift to your shopping list or the troubles of the day, or whatever, you start back at one... Again easy enough to start with.

Now the meditation starts with one clack of what he called simply enough clackers and the ring of the bell. As soon as you hear the bell ring we begin. One thing I noticed, he let the bell ring out completely. The bell was a beautiful clear and pure note it was almost relieving to let it ring completely out. Then I was left alone with my thoughts. In breath, Out 1. 2. I wonder if I am doing this right... CRAP!!! 1....2... its so quiet in here, man it sounds like there is a heard of baby elephants running around upstairs, CRAP!!! 1... My foot is starting to tingle, oh man its falling asleep... 1... 2... Basically, the next indeterminate period of time was an exercise in counting to 2 and on occasion 3. The bell rings and CLACK CLACK. A soft voice, if you need to turn and stretch your legs for a moment please do so. PINS AND NEEDLES!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!! CLACK! RIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiinnnnnnnngggggggg.... Back to being alone with myself. 1... 2... Man this really hurts...CRAP! 1... Grrrr CRAP!!! 1... Rinse and repeat. This time my knees began to ache, my breath started to stutter a bit ( I am not wholly sure why) and I began to get antsy. Finally... RING, CLACK CLACK. Turn and stretch if you need to. One thing I noticed here though. The student on the other side of the room, didn't move a muscle. I almost think the breaks were just for me.

CLACK CLACK CLACK RRRRRrrrrrriiiiinnnnngggg...

Back into the little world inside my mind. Ya know something... My brain is a REALLY noisy place. My knees really began to ache pin and needles everywhere, my back is starting to ache, and I am beginning to get frustrated wiht my inability to focus and get past 2.. After a number of random thoughts CLACK CLACK. 'Now you may take the oppurtunity to to speak with Roshi. Everyone is invited to do this. You may ask question wish whether it be about your training or some other question burning in your mind.' We all lined up in front of a different bell. The first student in line rings the bell twice and runs to a little door on the back of the dojo. They bow all the way to placing thier head to the ground, enter and shut the door behind them. After some time you hear from inside the room a tinkle of small bells much like a shop keeper's door, and the student emerges. Then next person in line rings the bell twice runs to the door and bows... this is repeated until I am the last in line. I ring the bell twice, run to the door, bow my head to the floor, enter to see sensei sitting there in very different clothing, very regal. Much like scholars of old. The room is barely bigger than 4' by 8'. there is a small shelf with several adroments, two small candles are the only light, and again incense hangs delicatly in the air to remind us were are in a sacred space, using a sacred time, to learn, grow, and have all the mysteries of the universe unveiled to us in time... or just because it smells nice. On the floor are two black VERY well defined lines to create almost I neutral zone between Roshi and I. Now I am not sure how much I am supposed to speak on my time with Roshi. It seems to me this time is very personal, it has pangs of Catholic confession, or a confidential meeting where very personal things are discussed. I am not wholly sure. It almost feels as though it is like the old wives tales about making wishes and you are not supposed to tell your wish otherwise it won't come true... I am not really sure how accurate I am in this observation. I shall have to ask about these things later. For now, I will share my first experience as it is very profound in my mind and I think will shape my trianing for a long time to come. As I sat, Sensei said nothing but looked at me with almost a grin. 'So...what's next for me?' I asked.

Now the conversation that followed was very interesting to me. Sensei actually answered my question with a question...'Why did you come here? Why did you choose us and to begin training?'

I answered as earnestly as I could. 'Some time ago I went through a tremendous dark period and I am at a point in my life where I need to get my head back in order, to learn to focus, and I need to help myself get back into a shape I feel good about.' Sensei just grinned and responded to me, 'First Dustin, you are already one step ahead in realizing that only you can make these changes and I must applaud you for that. Most people count on someone else to do it for them and that not how it works.' I also made mention that I felt like my brain was very noisy and that I was having a VERY difficult time clearing my mind and gaining that focus. Sensei or in this context Roshi then sadi something to me that I will always remember,' Don't worry so much about the times when your mind wanders. Everyone's mind wanders. The finding of clarity or that blankness of the mind is NOT the important part. What is important are those moments when you recognize that you have drifted and bring yourself back to the task at hand. That recognition is most important.' We talked for quite some time and touched a couple various topics. The long of the short of it is that Sensei gave me homework in that I should try to meditate at least 15 minutes each day. Or as he says, try to have a sit. He said I could do this in a chair if I like or laying in bed, but really it would be best if I got a cushion and sat on the floor. We ended on a very high note for me and he rang the little tree of bells. I bowed and left. I returned to the meditation for the final bit.

While the rest of the students cleaned up the space Sensei invited me to sit and speak with him more directly. We sat at the table near the entrance to the dojo and he made it very clear I should sit comfortably as this was now informal.

We talked a bit about what I experience and observed. I was invited to come back and partake in the full Aikido class so I could get a better sense of how things work in the space, etc. He recommended that I start to cut out red meat of my diet and reminded me I should try and sit for 15 minutes a day... I sense a recurring theme. I left the dojo after thanking everyone for their time and headed home to reflect on my time...

What a day.

Ultimately i gained a couple things throughout the day. One, a truer sense of how to meditate. Two, I need to keep making these changes to realize the concept of the person I want to be or feel I should be. Three, I have a long hard road ahead of me. Four, my mind is REALLY REALLY noisy. Five, everything comes in its own time. I should not rush.

A Brief Background

This blog will be dedicated to my journey in martial arts. I will probably and inevitably jump around through various topics here and there, but I fully intend to try and keep these pages dedicated to reflections on my training, articles I collect, and things I may or may not ascertain from the Zen meditations available at the dojo.

I suppose any good adventure has to start somewhere. This particular chapter of my life, as most people who know me well enough to even want to read this drivel, started a number of months back in a VERY dark time in my life. I would say that it would have started when someone parted ways from my life for reasons that I STILL don't and probably never will comprehend. Ultimately, I think that she was the catalyst for my choices leading up to walking in the dojo for the first time, but this started long before then.

Most folks don't know the full extent of my journey through martial arts. I will never claim to be a master of any particular art, I have never trained enough to receive a black-belt, and over the past 8 years, I have let myself go in ways that are UNACCEPTABLE to me. Good place to start I think.

The art I am most well versed in was called Combat Karate. I am sure there is another more proper name for it, but it was never communicated to me. I studied Combat Karate under Seneca in the dorms at National-Louis. Those four years were an extraordinary time in my life, as college should be. I remember nightly working out for 2 to 4 hours at days end. I remember being in probably the best shape I have been in since I was wrestling and playing soccer in highschool. I also remember training with Seneca, Eric Reitow, Tyeda(now Seneca's wife), then later we added Jake, and several other people would cycle in and out, but only briefly. I was the only one who remained consistent though. I also remember at least three mornings a week Seneca pounding on my door at 5:30 am to go running... I HATE RUNNING... Let me rephrase that... I detest running with every fiber of my being. BUT, I did it anyways. The best part was that we lived very near the lake and the B'hai temple, so at least I had something to look at to take my mind off the... running. Time wore on, Seneca graduated a year before us, so my senior year of college I was no longer training.

There came a point where I decided after taking a wonderful stage combat workshop, that I wanted to learn Kung Fu. So I went to Championship Martial Arts on Fullerton for several months. Unfortunately money dried up and I never progressed very far... and to be honest as fun as it would be to say in my best Keanu Reaves voice,'I know Kung-Fu.' I am not the Ariel Flashy spinning jumpy type. I am a wolf. We remain grounded.

The last art I studied in depth was Chinese Kenpo. My time with Sensei Andy and Sempi Chris, I have to say were an interesting time in my life. While I was studying Kenpo, I was training 5 to 7 days a week and trying to push myself to my physical limit. I remember it all too well. I remember constantly challenging Sempi Chris knowing full well I was going to get my ass handed to me. I remember in particularly brutal display having my face pushed into the mat repeatedly as knee held a pressure point in my back How else am I supposed to learn? The thing is, Kenpo actually started to scare me. I know after a time Jake began to nickname it Fuk Yu as some of the techniques that were given to me were nothing short of brutal. I found myself actually harnessing my anger and using it to rain hell down on my opponents, rather than my current path of banishing anger to find a more grounded center. I think studying this martial art lead me to accept the more wolfen, gutural, animalistic part of me and use it, but I think that the way it actually increased my rage was VERY bad for me spiritually. I remember constantly sizing people up, wondering how many I could take on at once, or looking for people's weak spots in case something 'went down' constantly... this is not a good way for a Dustin to live. Ultimately I am thankful for those experiences as they helped get me to the place I am today, but I have NO desire to feel that level of rage anymore. Really, anger doesn't help anything and I want to be more centered, grounded, and to let my spirit grow once again.

SO that is the brief recap of my martial experiences. This does not take into account all of the stage combat work I have done over the years studying under Chuck Coyle and the SAFD. Those are a topic for another day. I do have some VERY interesting memories of that including a pit fighting class taught by the world champion Knife fighter as well as my many years at the Ren Faire swinging a sword for people's entertainment. Although I had a realization in class the other night, all the stage combat, NOT HELPING me right now... more on that later though.

So what really got me to return to the dojo?

Well... I am not wholly sure. I know I have been saying for a number of years I need to get back to it. My body was craving the movement. My soul was craving the spiritual growth. And my Mind needed the refocusing of my intentions. Every time I would get depressed over the past few years there would be a little voice, also know as a Liga, saying 'D' go to the dojo... its time or quit talking about it and just DO IT. For whatever reason, I just could not seem to pull myself out of my funks or tear myself away from whatever relationship I had at the time, or whatever excuse I wanted to give any day... Then... well... it happened. The one who I refuse to name here, left me. My world was turned upside down, flipped around, and I had my heart ripped from my chest. Now, you would think that to have such hard things happen to me...yet AGAIN, I would be angry, bitter, hating. IN truth I was sad for a time. I was and am still a bit hurt. But all in all I came through it with this profound sense of peace and love for the world in my heart. I see such beauty all over and I have to stop myself on occasion because I see things that almost bring a tear to my eye with how amazing and beautiful they are...

I cannot even begin to describe what is inside me right now. I know I always say I am full of light, or light is my life... and well, it is now more than ever, true. But something was still missing and I felt an ache in my soul for something... And Liga looked at me and said... 'Dojo, 'D'. Go!' Finally, it clicked inside me. It's time. So I investigated some of the plethora of schools in Chicago. I wasn't wholly sure which art I wanted to study. What I DID know is that I wanted a school that offered some sort of meditation as well as the physical classes. Beyond that... no clue. A friend of mine passed on a book about Kalarripayatu which is an Indian martial art famous for several of its weapons.(Yeah so I have a fetish for weaponry, I mean really, who doesn't?) The sad part is.. noone in the US teaches it. So that idea will have to wait.

I had had several brushes with Aikido over the years through Chuck and several other folks I know. So I set to check out a couple Aikido dojos as well as a Wu Shu school, kung fu, and tai chi. The Wu Shu school I went and watched a class and decided it wasn't for me. The beginners and even the advanced classes were not quite what I was looking for. It seemed to me that there was a whole lot of jumping about and not a whole lot of substance. The school also offered MMA classes as well, but honestly... the energy there was too 'health club' and I didn't feel really captured the spirit of martial arts I was looking for. I am sure it is great for the students there who want to learn such things, but not where I belonged. I checked out a Shoalin Kung Fu school really close to my apartment. I think I MIGHT have chosen this place if they had classes more through the week. They only meet three nights a week and it is very informal. I am craving structure. The first of the Aikido Dojos I went to was formerly know as Midwest Aikikai but is now known as The Chicago Aikido Akikai. They have a pleasent atmosphere, but again thier class schedule was not really what I was looking for and where they used to have meditations and such, those have been replaced by a Russian Martial Art that, currently, I have no interest in studying at least for now.

Last week, I found myself out of work early on Friday, bored out of my skull, and feeling like I needed to go run a marathon or SOMETHING to calm my brain. I had stumbled on Shinjinkai's website during my searches and remembered thinking I should check it out. So I re-found the website and looked up the schedule. Classes 7 nights a week as well as Zen-meditation and Aikido classes two mornings each week. Friday night: Aikido, Internal Training, and Intro to Zen meditation. I called the dojo and spoke with Sensei Meido. He invited me to come and observe or participate in a couple of classes as he didn't want to sell me on the school without knowing what I was getting myself into. Well, 'D', you got nothing to do tonight... go. So I went...